Influence and Becoming

"Why did you decide to become a hygienist?" I asked as the suction was removed from my lips.
"That's a good question. I guess I had a good relationship with my dentist growing up..."
"And hygienist?"
"And, yes. And I like to help people. It was a good fit."
I thought about that for a long time. She chose a profession based on repeated, positive experiences and a trusting, safe relationship.  That's very cool.
And as I thought about her life choice, I wondered if anyone would want to know Jesus because they knew me. Do others have a trusting, safe, positive relationship with me and want to know my Savior? Or do my words and actions repulse people?
The answer? The true answer? Yes and no. Some of each. And it's something the Lord is making me more and more aware of. To be like Jesus is to be kind, approachable, patient, understanding. At all times. And I am not.
Oh, to be more like Jesus. And, oh, to stop and apologize and ask forgiveness in those moments--those countless moments--and even afterward, when I am not like Jesus. When I am not patient. Or kind. Or loving. Or approachable. Or....
How thankful I am for God's patience and lovingkindness with me! And how incredibly wonderful that God doesn't need me--He calls and justifies and sanctifies--but chooses to use me. Ah, the wonders of God!

Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God. Give no offense, either to the Jews or to the Greeks or to the church of God, just as I also please all men in all things, not seeking my own profit, but the profit of many, that they may be saved. Imitate me, just as I also imitate Christ. (1 Corinthians 10:31-11:1 NKJV)

For to this you were called, because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that you should follow His steps:
“Who committed no sin, Nor was deceit found in His mouth”; who, when He was reviled, did not revile in return; when He suffered, He did not threaten, but committed Himself to Him who judges righteously; who Himself bore our sins in His own body on the tree, that we, having died to sins, might live for righteousness—by whose stripes you were healed. For you were like sheep going astray, but have now returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls. (1 Peter 2:21-25 NKJV)

 

First Cry

Two young girls, hands clasping tracts, looked up for one last instruction. "What is the first thing a baby does when it's born?" I asked.

 

They hesitated. "It cries?" said one, looking to the other for support.
"Yes, it cries! And now that you are new babies in God's family, it's your turn. Find someone to tell and say, 'Hey, I'm alive!  Look! Look! I've just been born! Jesus gave me new life!'"
They took off out the door at a near run, smiles on their faces. And there was joy!

"... as newborn babes, desire the pure milk of the word, that you may grow thereby, if indeed you have tasted that the Lord is gracious." (1 Peter 2:2-3)

As we grow in the "training and instruction of the Lord" (Ephesians 6:4), our speech will change.  More and more we will speak with wisdom and grace.

"Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom, teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord. And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him." (Colossians 3:16-17)

As You Wish

It's been an interesting couple of weeks at our house. We were still catching up with laundry and unpacking from a week at camp (2 of us) and youth mission trip (3 of us) when a thunderstorm led David to look for the source of dripping water in our kitchen. He ripped out roof and ceiling. Counter tops were rearranged. A tarp went up. Flies came in. Laundry, camp and mission trip items were replaced with Vacation Bible School preparation. Two of the girls' bedrooms were emptied and painted.
And this week, as each day fell and choices demanded decisions, the phrase, "As you wish," rolled through my mind, over and over.  "Lord, as You wish." And He has been faithful. Things I didn't want to do have gotten done. Things I have wanted have gotten done. And I can take no credit for the priorities or completion, because I realize they were not done simply by my say-so. God gave the desire, the time, the ability, the resources. He made it happen; He brought it about. He, my faithful, loving God is able to "will and work in me for His good pleasure" (Philippians 2:13).
As I prayed another, "As you wish," last night, it finally clicked. The Princess Bride! In that classic movie, Wesley, the farm boy, responds, "As you wish," every time the young maiden, Buttercup, gives him a  task. Over time she realizes that, "As you wish," really means, "I love you." Thus begins a wonderful love/adventure story.
As today begins--and ends--may that be the prayer of our hearts. "As You wish."

^"Roll your works upon the Lord ... so shall your plans be established and succeed." (Proverbs 16:3 Amplified Bible)

"Commit your way to the Lord [roll and repose each care of your load on Him]; trust (lean on, rely on, and be confident) also in Him and He will bring it to pass.

And He will make your uprightness and right standing with God go forth as the light, and your justice and right as [the shining sun of] the noonday.

Be still and rest in the Lord; wait for Him and patiently lean yourself upon Him...." (Psalm 37:5-7 Amplified Bible)

 

"...that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, of those in heaven, and of those on earth, and of those under the earth, and that every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.

Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling; for it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure.

Do all things without complaining and disputing, that you may become blameless and harmless, children of God without fault in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world, holding fast the word of life...." (Philippians 2:10-16 NKJV)

 

10 Reasons Why a Competitive Spirit is Destructive

Summer brings wonderful opportunities to enjoy the outdoors with friends, taking in a plethora of games and physical activities. This post could cost me precious friendships--including my own. All aboard who're ready to ride.

10 Reasons Why a Competitive Spirit is Destructive:

1. Winning for the sake of winning benefits no one but the winner(s).

What God’s Word says:  Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ. From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work. So I tell you this, and insist on it in the Lord, that you must no longer live as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their thinking. They are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God... and they are full of greed. (Eph. 4:15-19)

2. If winning is the goal, either outcome (win/loss) leads to sinful thoughts, attitudes and behaviors.

What God’s Word says:  So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. (1 Cor. 10:31)

3. A competitive spirit stirs up sinful thoughts, attitudes and behaviors in others.

What God’s Word says:  By this we know love, because He laid down His life for us. And we also ought to lay down our lives for the brethren. (1 John 3:16 NKJV)

4. A competitive spirit breeds pride, contempt and criticism.

What God’s Word says:  Unto You I lift up my eyes, O You who dwell in the heavens.

Behold, as the eyes of servants look to the hand of their masters, As the eyes of a maid to the hand of her mistress, So our eyes look to the Lord our God, Until He has mercy on us.
Have mercy on us, O Lord, have mercy on us! For we are exceedingly filled with contempt.
Our soul is exceedingly filled With the scorn of those who are at ease, With the contempt of the proud. (Psalm 123 NKJV)

5. Making "my best" top priority means my focus, time, effort and resources are self-centered.

What God’s Word says:  Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus... (Phil 2:3-5 NASB)

6. A competitive spirit hurts others.

What God’s Word says:  What is the source of quarrels and conflicts among you? Is not the source your pleasures that wage war in your members? You lust and do not have; so you commit murder. You are envious and cannot obtain; so you fight and quarrel. You do not have because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, so that you may spend it on your pleasures (James 4:1-3 NASB).

7. A competitive spirit is demanding.

What God’s Word says: O Lord, my heart is not proud, nor my eyes haughty; Nor do I involve myself in great matters, Or in things too difficult for me.

Surely I have composed and quieted my soul; Like a weaned child rests against his mother, My soul is like a weaned child within me. (Psalm 131:1-2  NASB)

8. A competitive spirit is more focused on results than people.

What God’s Word says: Therefore Jesus said again, “Very truly I tell you, I am the gate for the sheep. All who have come before me are thieves and robbers... The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep."  (John 10:7-11 NIV)

9. A person full of the desire to win, be the best or be right does not truly love others.

What God’s Word says: ...knowledge puffs up while love builds up. Those who think they know something do not yet know as they ought to know. But whoever loves God is known by God. (1 Cor. 8:1-3)

10. Preening a competitive spirit leads to confusion of priorities, foolish choices and loss of reward.

What God’s Word says: But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. Such “wisdom” does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice. (James 3:14-16 NIV)

But each one should build with care. For no one can lay any foundation other than the one already laid, which is Jesus Christ. If anyone builds on this foundation using gold, silver, costly stones, wood, hay or straw, their work will be shown for what it is, because the Day will bring it to light. (1 Cor. 3:10-13 NIV)

 God help us! We are a people driven by pride, self-seeking, boastful in and of ourselves. How grateful we should be that God is different--and that He is committed to changing us!

The Sliver and the Mote...One and the Same

Have you found it interesting that both a sliver and log are made of the same material? Of course. How obvious. And when Jesus commanded that we remove the plank from our own eye, it is probably the same offense that got under our skin to begin with.

Perhaps someone you know monopolizes conversations or one-ups everyone elses' story or manipulates others. Knowing myself the way I do, the things that bother me are the very things I'm guilty of. Ugh. How did Jesus know?

So in daily life, as I consider the ways others have sinned against or offended or hurt or failed to prefer me, Jesus calls me to sit down alone, look into the mirror of God's Word and examine my own tendencies. It's just that simple. It's just that hard.

From the side of resolved conflict, let me testify that the joy of shared conviction is greater than the shame, greater than the shadow of neglect, sweeter than simply "getting along." For Jesus' sake, let's get it right and love one another--as He has loved us.

" And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me remove the speck from your eye’; and look, a plank is in your own eye? Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye." Matthew 7:3-5

“Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that ‘by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.’And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector." Matthew 18:15-17

Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. He who does not love does not know God, for God is love. In this the love of God was manifested toward us, that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through Him.  In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins.  Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.

No one has seen God at any time. If we love one another, God abides in us, and His love has been perfected in us.  By this we know that we abide in Him, and He in us, because He has given us of His Spirit.  And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent the Son as Savior of the world. Whoever confesses that Jesus is the Son of God, God abides in him, and he in God. And we have known and believed the love that God has for us. God is love, and he who abides in love abides in God, and God in him.

Love has been perfected among us in this: that we may have boldness in the day of judgment; because as He is, so are we in this world. There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love. We love Him because He first loved us.

If someone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen, how can he love God whom he has not seen?  And this commandment we have from Him: that he who loves God must love his brother also. 1 John 4:7-21
 

Fighting Centrifugal Force

"Carl leaned into the center of the merry-go-round and no matter how fast I pushed, he traveled in a tight circle," Naomi said of her 4-year-old. "But James is only two. He leaned out and let go with one hand, fighting to stay on. The farther he was from the middle, the greater the centrifugal force!"

How true, how true! She likened it to our walk with the Lord. Life is traveling, moving, changing. The closer we are to Christ, the more He is the center of our lives, the less we are affected by difficulty and instability. The farther we are from Christ as the center, the easier it is for us to feel pulled away, suffer emotional crises, and flail about, off-balance.

This last week I was blessed to counsel 4th-6th grade girls at camp and found the above metaphor incredibly helpful. With the change of schedule, setting and responsibility, it was challenging to find daily time to spend alone with God. Just the two of us. But how very important that is!

In the book, The School of Christ, T. Austin Sparks explains it this way, "How altogether different [Christ] is from ourselves.... The disciples had to learn it.... They would urge Him to take a certain course, to do certain things, to go to certain places. They would seek to bring to bear upon Him their own judgments and their own feeling and their own ideas. But He would have none of it.... No, all the time He was putting them back and showing them how different were His judgments; altogether different.... Catch that and you have got something helpful. 'Lord, why is it that I am always caught out, always making a blunder? Somehow or other, I always say or do the wrong thing. I am always on the wrong side! Somehow I never seem to come right in line with You; I despair of ever being right!' And the Lord says, 'I am teaching you, that is all; deliberately, quite deliberately. That is exactly what I am teaching you to see... We move in two altogether opposite worlds" (p. 12-13).

Not only was I able to find daily time alone for Scripture and prayer, Naomi's insight helped relieve me of a recent struggle. Lately I've been challenged to evaluate my life--have spiritual disciplines become my goal and measure of success? Or are they simply the means to an end? And as I recalled the two little boys on the merry go round, I was encouraged that the disciplines of daily Scripture reading, prayer, fellowship, and service are tools God has given as gifts to keep me stable; close to Christ, the center. Without these established patterns and habits, I flail and struggle against myself, my emotions, and circumstances. Oh, how good God is to give of Himself 24-7, generously, abundantly, according to His riches in Christ Jesus for my every need!

Seek the Lord while he may be found; call on him while he is near. Let the wicked forsake their ways and the unrighteous their thoughts. Let them turn to the Lord, and he will have mercy on them, and to our God, for he will freely pardon.

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord.
“As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.

You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands. Instead of the thornbush will grow the juniper, and instead of briers the myrtle will grow. This will be for the Lord’s renown, for an everlasting sign, that will endure forever.” Isaiah 55:6-13


And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work. As it is written:

 

“They have freely scattered their gifts to the poor; their righteousness endures forever.”

 

Now he who supplies seed to the sower and bread for food will also supply and increase your store of seed and will enlarge the harvest of your righteousness. You will be enriched in every way so that you can be generous on every occasion, and through us your generosity will result in thanksgiving to God. 2 Corinthians 9:8-11

 

The Satisfaction of Grace

I've been blessed to review some of the old entries you've picked up lately--entries from two and three years ago. Thank you. It's a reminder of why "HeartQuencher" is here. It's here to say, from my little corner of the world, that God is real; that His Word is an active, living entity; that God really does speak into and work through the daily grind of life. Many of you can attest the same, and I hope you do.

One of the things I'm learning as I age is grace: grace with myself; hopefully, grace with others. This week I overheard a speaker on the radio say that his life took a one-eighty from the corporate world into ministry, but he is still the same. He has the same energy, drive and excitement. And I was encouraged. Too often I am chastised (or chastise myself) for "doing too much." And it's truly a temptation to get caught up in busyness or gaining others' admiration. But more than that, I felt a great weight fall off when I realized I just like to do things--and I have ideas and excitement and delight in making them happen. And that's okay. It's the way God designed me.

In our garage are paper-mache` bombs and sticks of dynamite for an upcoming mission-possible themed camp with 4-6th grade girls. The growing pile has a laminated hand-print for "secret" entry to our cabin, "Authorized Personnel Only," etc. etc. And it's great fun. God has provided the time, the resources and the desire to create things that will draw the girls attention, gain their interest, and soften their hearts to hear His Word. It's an act of love, not busyness. And that's okay. It's what God gave me to do, and the fight is not necessarily doing or not doing; the fight is in saying, "It's okay to love doing what God created me to do. I don't have to defend or feel badly or excuse it. I can glory and revel and rejoice in who God is--in the creativity of a great God--and what He's doing."

As I met with Joy last week to study Philippians we discussed Paul's mindset and attitude knowing he was in prison at the time. The study question asked how that related to us. "It is to be happy in God," she said. Clapping her hands at each action and releasing with the repeated refrain, she thought aloud, "That when I cook, I am happy; when I work, I am happy; when I sit, I am happy." And it brought to mind the word, "satisfied."

So this week, I have been taking joy in the busyness of life--in managing chores and laundry and Bible study and youth group and piles in the dining room. What a blessing to know and live and walk as God leads. That is the satisfaction of grace--knowing that whatever circumstances or opportunities or people God brings into my life, He has orchestrated and designed us for each other.

The Lord by wisdom founded the earth;
By understanding He established the heavens;
By His knowledge the depths were broken up,
And clouds drop down the dew.

My son, let them not depart from your eyes—
Keep sound wisdom and discretion;
So they will be life to your soul
And grace to your neck.
Then you will walk safely in your way,
And your foot will not stumble.
When you lie down, you will not be afraid;
Yes, you will lie down and your sleep will be sweet.
Do not be afraid of sudden terror,
Nor of trouble from the wicked when it comes;
For the Lord will be your confidence,
And will keep your foot from being caught.

(Proverbs 3:19-26)

Diffusing the Fog

Be very careful if you ask someone to pray with you...for you. Because if they are honest, sincere and open before God, you will hear their heart. And you will hear their love and concern for you. And you might catch a glimpse of yourself you weren't expecting.
And as I heard that prayer, things left unsaid naggled at my thoughts--my lack of gentleness and patience, my do, do, do, work, work, work tendencies. And God said, "Yes, yes. Look." And He stopped my busy hands and said, "See?" And He quieted my busy mind, "And here..." And He cast a glance at my dining room table piled with ministry forms and papers and sign-ups and asked, "Why?" and "For Whom?"
And I said, "Jesus. It's for Jesus. Well, okay, it started out for Jesus. But now I'm in too deep and it needs to be done and I can do it. I know I can. All I need it one more of these and three more of those and a little more time...."
And He said, "Stop." And I stopped. And He said, "Look." And I looked, turning in my Bible to Hebrews 9. And there He was--and there was nothing to be done. And there was nothing I could do. And if it was up to me or up to Him, who would I choose? He could. He did. I cannot.
Who could offer His blood on the altar of God's judgment, stand and reenter the outer courts of the world? Only Jesus. Who could suffer death and live again, offering Himself in my place? Only Jesus. Who could stand before the Father on my behalf? Only Jesus.
And sin that creeps, first at my feet, then as a surrounding fog, that isolates and bears down and suffocates--that sin has no hold. The sword of the Spirit, that Word of God, pulled from its sheath to the forefront of my mind, glows and guides, driving me to my knees, revealing my desperate need and my Sufficient Savior.
And by His grace, I repent. I call out for mercy. I draw on His life to renew relationships and point of view and priorities and choices. And the fog dissipates. And the way, though not easy, is filled with hope and peace and light. Because of Jesus.

Bless the Lord, O my soul; And all that is within me, bless His holy name!
Bless the Lord, O my soul, And forget not all His benefits:
Who forgives all your iniquities,
Who heals all your diseases,
Who redeems your life from destruction,
Who crowns you with lovingkindness and tender mercies,
Who satisfies your mouth with good things,
So that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.

The Lord executes righteousness And justice for all who are oppressed.

He made known His ways to Moses, His acts to the children of Israel.

The Lord is merciful and gracious,
Slow to anger, and abounding in mercy. 
He will not always strive with us, Nor will He keep His anger forever.
He has not dealt with us according to our sins, Nor punished us according to our iniquities.

For as the heavens are high above the earth, So great is His mercy toward those who fear Him;
As far as the east is from the west, So far has He removed our transgressions from us.
As a father pities his children, So the Lord pities those who fear Him.
For He knows our frame; He remembers that we are dust.

As for man, his days are like grass; As a flower of the field, so he flourishes.

For the wind passes over it, and it is gone, And its place remembers it no more.

But the mercy of the Lord is from everlasting to everlasting On those who fear Him,
And His righteousness to children’s children, To such as keep His covenant,
And to those who remember His commandments to do them.

The Lord has established His throne in heaven, And His kingdom rules over all.

Bless the Lord, you His angels,

Who excel in strength, who do His word,

Heeding the voice of His word.
Bless the Lord, all you His hosts,
You ministers of His, who do His pleasure.
Bless the Lord, all His works,
In all places of His dominion.

Bless the Lord, O my soul! (Psalm 103, NKJV)

The Ride of a Lifetime

I reached for the metal triangle holds on the park swing and gave a push. Soft, cushy fingers grasped the taught chains, elbows tensed, and a squeal filled the air.  "This is love," echoed in my head, "not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins." (1 John 4:10). Pause. "This is love." Love is active. Love is pushing a swing. Love is preparing a meal. Love is listening. God loved. God gave.

 

The action, the love, had little to do with the fellow in the swing. All he did was ask. God's love for me has little (nothing actually) to do with my earning or deserving it. He loves because He is love. He is defined by love. Without partiality. He is. Love.

God's love is constant, eternal, unlimited, unconditional. Why then do we struggle to take hold of it? The apostle Paul pointed to suffering. Suffering, our own or that of others, can easily misdirect our focus. Rather than trusting and looking to God for wisdom and strength, we question His love(Ephesians 3:13-14).

We look for miraculous intervention in a specific situation and fail to acknowledge the miraculous intervention that has already taken place: God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were sinners, Christ died for us.... He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how shall He not with Him freely give us all things?" (Romans 5:12, 8:32).

God loves. He continues to love. Could He change the circumstances? In a heartbeat. Could He remove people from my life? No question. But "as for God, His way is perfect" (Psalm 18:30). The one thing more impossible than circumstance or people is the human heart. What turns a heart to worship and trust God alone? Only broken idols and withered dreams. What turns a life of self-gratification to Godly contentment? Only emptiness and refilling.

Just as human love is received through acknowledgment of the gift, spiritual love is received through faith. God has expressed His love. It is ours to ask, grab the chains of the swing and hold on for the ride of a lifetime. "In this is love, not that we loved God but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins."

"Therefore I ask that you do not lose heart at my tribulations for you, which is your glory.
For this reason I bow my knees to the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ from whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named, that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with might through His Spirit in the inner man, that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height— to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge; that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.
Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us,  to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen."(Ephesians 3:13-21 NKJV).

"What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?  He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how shall He not with Him also freely give us all things?  Who shall bring a charge against God’s elect? It is God who justifies.  Who is he who condemns? It is Christ who died, and furthermore is also risen, who is even at the right hand of God, who also makes intercession for us.  Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? As it is written:

“For Your sake we are killed all day long;
We are accounted as sheep for the slaughter.”

Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us.  For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come,  nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 8:31-39, NKJV)

When People Hurt: Get Real Don't Get Lost

Our community has suffered loss these last weeks of May. Unexpected death. Young death. And there's been confusion. Grief. Guilt. Gut-wrenching sobs in the night. It's not just in Iowa. It's happening in Oklahoma. In Berlin, Germany. Balashikha, Russia. Fortaleza, Brazil. What's a person to do? A simple, single person?

One mother shared this blog (click here to read) in response and I found it refreshing, convicting, thought-provoking. In her words, "Please don't let me be this mom..."

There's an element of authenticity that is missing in our pews, Sunday school classes, pulpits and homes, the rawness of Jesus escapes our reading of the gospels and fingering of WWJD bracelets. We climb into our dappy-zone bubbles and look out at the world instead of living with our friends, neighbors and coworkers the way Jesus did--does. What would Jesus do?

May we suffer alongside the hurting, feeling their pain, indulging the loss, and sharing the hope of Christ in and through our weakness. Because He's just as real as this sin-cursed world. He's deeper, greater, higher than the despair; He knows the pain and was perfected by suffering. Suffering is not wrong or sinful or shameful. As we come alongside those we love we will be reminded of moments of our own despair, weakness and failure, struggling and wrestling against painful thoughts and emotions; embracing authenticity in place of hypocrisy. That's what Jesus would do. It's what He did. Jesus got real. By His grace, so will we.

"Since therefore the children share in flesh and blood, he himself likewise partook of the same things, that through death he might destroy the one who has the power of death, that is, the devil, and deliver all those who through fear of death were subject to lifelong slavery. For surely it is not angels that he helps, but he helps the offspring of Abraham. Therefore he had to be made like his brothers in every respect, so that he might become a merciful and faithful high priest in the service of God, to make propitiation for the sins of the people. For because he himself has suffered when tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted."(Hebrews 2:14-18, ESV)

Anger-What to do with it?

Few of us are willing to admit to anger. It's a word we avoid, an emotion we're uncomfortable with, a cloud of hurt, destruction and humiliation. But anger is biblical and real. Knowing how to identify and manage it not only glorifies God, it brings us joy, relief and spiritual maturity.
When we had younger children and the book, "The Heart of Anger," was recommended, I didn't realize I was the problem. Our children were children. My husband is a bonafide husband. And I was a push-over. It wasn't working very well.
The first step to using anger the way God intends is to identify it. Physically, real things are happening--and it's not all in your head. "Chemicals like adrenaline and noradrenaline surge through the body. In the brain, the amygdala, the part of the brain that deals with emotion, is going crazy. It wants to do something, and the time between a trigger event and a response from the amygdala can be a quarter of a second [source: Ellison]. But at the same time, blood flow is increasing to the frontal lobe, specifically the part of the brain that's over the left eye."*
One of the first things I learned was to say, "I'm starting to get angry." That was a cue to those around me--but especially myself--that something needed to change. Even now, I have that intentional thought, and it starts me down the right road.
Second, stop, look and listen. What just happened? Who said what? Why do I feel the way I do? It may mean I need to excuse myself or find a quiet place to think things through. The night my feelings got hurt over cupcakes (sad, but true), I turned my back to the group and worked at the kitchen counter while administering a heart exam/pep talk.
Third, ask God for help applying Scripture to the situation. If it's simply a matter of not getting what I want, it's easy to find Scripture (Matthew 22:39, Romans 12:10). If there's a problem to be solved or God's name and principles have been misused, I need to ask for wisdom (James 1:5).
Fourth, just do it. Confess and repent. Lovingly, sincerely give it up. Talk to the person involved. Solve the problem. Or intentionally wait on God (James 1:3).
A wrong response to anger always damages and destroys others--either blowing up immediately or clamming up at the time and overreacting later. Neither honors God. Neither solves the problem. They don't express supreme love for God and others--but supreme love for self.
Jesus was angry, but He attacked the problem--exploitation in the temple, false teaching by the Pharisees--not the person.** Even in His anger, He directed others back to the Father who desired repentance. Don't overlook the fact that you or I may be the problem that needs change.
Angry? Admit it (it's okay, you should). Stop, look, and listen. Prayerfully apply Scripture. Attack the problem, not the person. Ask forgiveness for the times you've blown it and move on.

Do not fret because of those who are evil
    or be envious of those who do wrong;
for like the grass they will soon wither,
    like green plants they will soon die away.

Trust in the Lord and do good;
    dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.

Take delight in the Lord,
    and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Commit your way to the Lord;
    trust in him and he will do this:
He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn,
    your vindication like the noonday sun.

Be still before the Lord
    and wait patiently for him;
do not fret when people succeed in their ways,
    when they carry out their wicked schemes.

Refrain from anger and turn from wrath;
    do not fret—it leads only to evil.
For those who are evil will be destroyed,
    but those who hope in the Lord will inherit the land.

A little while, and the wicked will be no more;
    though you look for them, they will not be found.
But the meek will inherit the land
    and enjoy peace and prosperity.

(Psalm 37:1-11)

*http://science.howstuffworks.com/life/inside-the-mind/emotions/anger2.htm
** The words of Dr. Bob Smith, "How to Handle Anger," Faith Biblical Counseling Training Conference, 2008.

A-N-G-E-R is a Five-Letter Word

Irritated works. Frustrated, yes. Ruffled feathers. Ticked. But not "angry." Anger is a five-letter word. In a recent post I admitted to being angry and my guess is that bothered some of you--maybe it still does. Anger is not politically correct. It whiffs of violence, destruction, hatred, malice. We view it as a loss of self-control and balance. I'm learning otherwise.

Anger is a biblical word: “'Be angry, and do not sin': do not let the sun go down on your wrath..."  (Eph. 4:26).  "...let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath; for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God" (James 1:19-20). God says we'll be angry. He's angry (Nahum 1:2, Romans 1:18). It's an emotion we struggle with, but one with purpose. Perhaps the greatest danger, the one we fall prey to, is failing to call it what it is. When we pansy-foot around, we miss out on the opportunities and overlook the danger.

Anger--righteous or unrighteous--is a natural reaction to a problem. It may flash and resolve itself in an instant or linger and smolder for long periods of time.

In his book, The Heart of Anger, Lou Priolo lists sinful manifestations of anger: vengeance, pride, ingratitude, selfishness, boasting, backbiting, gossip, debate, arguing, impatience, and the list goes on*. Shortly after reading his book the first time, I found myself acting in ways he defined as sinful anger, though I never would have used that term for those behaviors.

The words "irritation," "frustration," "ruffled feathers," and "panties in a bundle" are not biblical. When we fail to attach biblical words to sinful thoughts, words and actions, we struggle to learn and grow through Spirit-led conviction. The Spirit uses the Word of God to teach, correct, and train us. If we are unschooled in Scripture, we will remain immature and weak (2 Timothy 3:16-17, John 16:7-15, Ephesians 6:17, Hebrews 5:12-6:1).

As the typical oldest child, complacent and eager to please, I didn't experience an angry childhood. It was easy to stay within bounds and I'm eternally grateful for my parents' protection and training. But as I grew into marriage and parenting, my desires were repeatedly frustrated, denied and run over by a Mack truck. And that--denied desire--is what fuels the heart of anger.

Anger is designed to be a warning light on the dash that says, "Danger! Danger!" It is generally preceded by another emotion (fear, hurt, rejection) which is triggered by an event or memory. To deal effectively with anger, we must first identify it by name and follow it backward to its source.

Instinctive anger--the emotion--rises when I face a threatening emotion or need to solve a problem. It is immediate, demanding a decision. That decision may be right or wrong, but the feeling in and of itself is just that: an emotion.

Unlike instinctive, or emotional, anger, there is the state of "being" angry. This is a choice; a continued response to feelings of anger. Righteous anger flares when God's character and good purpose are slandered or tarnished. We identify righteous anger in Jesus' response to the money changers in the temple. Unfortunately, pure, righteous anger is the least of our worries. Unrighteous anger flares when my expectations are thwarted. Sadly, when I expect to be served, loved, adored, protected, respected, listened to, etc., I am easily angered by anyone or anything that gets in the way. That is my natural state. And that is why I constantly need God to change me and my desires.

Anger, then, is a real word for real life. It happens. But before we can understand and learn how to respond the way Jesus does, in a way that honors God, we must first identify it. This is a good time to learn about yourself and the things that "get under your skin." What kinds of things make you angry? Next week's entry will address where to go from here.

"Where do wars and fights come from among you? Do they not come from your desires for pleasure that war in your members? You lust and do not have. You murder and covet and cannot obtain. You fight and war. Yet you do not have because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask amiss, that you may spend it on your pleasures. Adulterers and adulteresses! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Whoever therefore wants to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God. Or do you think that the Scripture says in vain, “The Spirit who dwells in us yearns jealously”?
But He gives more grace. Therefore He says:

“God resists the proud,
But gives grace to the humble.”

Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you.  Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded.  Lament and mourn and weep! Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom.  Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and He will lift you up."  James 4:1-10

* A rather comprehensive list of sinful actions and words (with Scripture references) that reflect sinful anger can be found on page 84 of The Heart of Anger. I so appreciated and used this book that I typed up the charts and worksheets, made copies and 3-ring binders for each of our children, and used it as a guide for all of us. I am thankful for godly teachers who present God through practical helps!

The Card Box

It's good to share good ideas--and this is one that came across my way years ago that's worth passing on.

On the floor of the broom closet near the kitchen is our card box. It's small enough to pick up and move with ease; large enough to hold cards for various occasions. And it's simple. There are dividers labeled (by hand) for All Occasion, Baby, Birthday, Get Well, Sympathy, Thank You, etc. As opportunities come up, I have cards on hand that are easy to write in, address and pop in the mail that day.
If you are a pastor's or deacon's wife, Bible study leader, or simply someone who cares about others and wants to celebrate and share in others' lives, this is a fabulous investment that's easy to use and maintain.

"Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep. Be of the same mind toward one another. Do not set your mind on high things, but associate with the humble. Do not be wise in your own opinion." (Romans 12:14-16)

"Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful. And let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works, not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as is the manner of some, but exhorting one another, and so much the more as you see the Day approaching." (Hebrews 10:23-25)

Martha's Minion

"So I was standing at the sink washing potatoes for the ladies' retreat and wrestling with myself about why I was doing it," my friend admitted over coffee last week.
The three of us talked about how difficult it is to keep pure motives when we serve others--especially at church.
That took us to the topic of people who give gifts with expectations of how they should be used, or how we should respond, or with an extravagance that demands obligation.
Nice conversation. Biblical principles shared, agreed upon. Prayer offered. And we left, each to her day.

 

Disclaimer: Before you read the following, know that the women of our church are wonderful, generous, caring women. We love one another and enjoy serving together, but we all make mistakes. Sometimes we drop the ball. Each of us sins against God and others daily. The following is a real-life vignette of how God used the hot water of people and circumstances to draw out the contents of my teabag, a.k.a. heart.

That evening we met  at church for our ladies' retreat. It was time for the meal and there was miscommunication. Thinking there was a need for dessert, we had baked and counted and baked some more. Someone else brought root beer floats for the same reason. I was frustrated and angry.  As petty as it is, I even thought about the new Tupperware I'd purchased--just for cupcakes. And to find out, it wasn't needed; didn't fit the plan. I was put out. I. Me. My. Pride. My words from that morning echoed, "It's important to give and let go. If you're going to give, give. It doesn't belong to you anymore. If you can't let go, don't give. " The situation wasn't mine and I needed to let it go.

I had offered to play the piano since the other pianists would be out of town. Plans changed and two very capable, able, and enjoyable pianists came. I didn't want to play--and bring cupcakes. But I had offered a gift. I needed to let it go. I sighed, felt pressure to play well...and loudly...and.... Oh, crumb. Pride.

Weeks earlier I thought of an old, old song that fit the theme and had asked, "Would that be helpful?" not thinking (or knowing) about the piano...and cupcakes. "We'd appreciate it," was the answer. This wasn't what I had in mind at all. The microphone malfunctioned. I looked like, felt like, a three-ring circus.

And the theme? Mostly Mary. It was all about choosing that better thing, sitting at Jesus' feet instead of being worried and troubled about many things. Suddenly, I was Martha. I didn't intend to be busy and over committed. I evaluated and reviewed conversations--where did I go wrong?

The speaker addressed serving--that's what Jesus did--but keeping a balance so we don't over-serve and feel used, bitter, resentful, or self-exalting. Oh, boy. I had become the poster child for Martha's Minions--one of her understudies! And as God and I talked about it, I was thankful that He chose to use me, even as a bad example. I am not exempt from sinning or making wrong choices or consequences. Should He choose to use my sin for His purpose, who am I to demand otherwise?

And in that moment, there was peace. And the remembrance of forgiveness and love and grace. It's okay to sin and get caught. That's life. But it's even better to know Christ and live in His love.

"Yet indeed I also count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them as rubbish, that I may gain Christ ⁹ and be found in Him, not having my own righteousness, which is from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness which is from God by faith; ¹⁰ that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death, ¹¹ if, by any means, I may attain to the resurrection from the dead.
¹² Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me. ¹³ Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, ¹⁴ I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 3:8-14).

The Ole Love Yourself Debacle

"To love your neighbor as you love yourself means you have to love yourself first." I've heard it on Christian radio, at my kitchen table, in the car. And it's not true.  I'll put it out there and, perhaps, suffer for it. There is no command in the Bible to love yourself. There are no directives on how to love yourself more or better or biblically. Those who disagree generally use a portion of Scripture and draw inferences. I cannot think of one place in the Bible, Old Testament or New that commands me to love myself--or gives the example of Jesus teaching and modeling self before others.

True love does not come from my heart. This will bust your bubble--the natural, stinky heart of mine doesn't love you. It can't. There is nothing in me that will seek your good above my own, that will do what you want instead of what I want with pure motives. For that same reason, I cannot love myself any more than I can love you.
True love comes from God for "God is love." Want love? Go to God. Want to love others better? More? Love them, period? Go to God.

If you and I find ourselves critical, judgmental, gossiping, slandering fools it's because we have failed to recognize God's love for us. When I read Scripture as a list of do's and don't's or failures and successes it's because of the way I view God, not because of the way God views me. How often I turn from feasting--choking--on dry bread at His table, then turn and apply that same judgment to others.

But when I pray and ask God for His view of Scripture and read it with an eye for who He is--for grace, love and mercy--drinking in the richness of His goodness, I display and share that same goodness with others. I view myself and others through the lens of God's grace rather than the lens of my need--my need to be better, my need to know more, my need to excel, my need to please God. The nourishment I receive from God is passed on to others and we grow.  Together.

Through Christ, I experience the love of God--all of it--and it is steadfast. Through faith in Christ I am accepted, wanted, covered, protected, cared for. I do not need to perform, be better, have more of, do more. I am. Jesus loves me. Jesus gave it all--for me. And although I do not deserve His death (or His life) it is mine. Because of who He is. That's grace. That's God.
And that's enough.

What if God, wanting to show His wrath and to make His power known, endured with much longsuffering the vessels of wrath prepared for destruction,  and that He might make known the riches of His glory on the vessels of mercy, which He had prepared beforehand for glory, even us whom He called, not of the Jews only, but also of the Gentiles?
As He says also in Hosea:

“I will call them My people, who were not My people,

And her beloved, who was not beloved.”

“And it shall come to pass in the place where it was said to them,
‘You are not My people,’
There they shall be called sons of the living God.” (Romans 9:22-26)

 

But God, who is rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us,  even when we were dead in trespasses, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved), and raised us up together, and made us sit together in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, that in the ages to come He might show the exceeding riches of His grace in His kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast. For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them. (Ephesians 2:4-10)

 

 

How to Do Everything

You may remember my Congolese friend, Joy, that I meet with regularly to study English. When she came to America three years ago, she spoke multiple languages, but no English. Our wonderful God arranged for their family to be taken in by Tom, who works with Wycliffe Bible Translators, and his wife. Two years ago Joy's family moved from Florida to Iowa and started attending our church. When we began meeting together she was still learning the names of basic objects. We added verb tenses and prepositions along with practical helps like running a dishwasher, following directions on a boxed mix and cooking a turkey in a roaster.
Last Fall she held up her English Bible and said, "This is what I need more." She understands most of the Sunday sermons, even spoken through our West Virginian pastor! But she wanted to spend  time learning and studying God's Word.
We used the same Bible study as the other women at church, "Developing Genuine Friendships" and continue to use it as our guide. Each week we read the verse printed in the book, look it up in our Bibles, and discuss any unknown words before sharing the friendship quality and application. Sharing and writing our answers in English has led to some beautiful and precious insights.
This time, we read with Philippians 2:14, "Do everything without grumbling or arguing." After reading and discussing it, I admitted to complaining about someone who makes a big to-do about being a Christian, but is unkind, short-tempered and rude. "I don't know if I should say something or not," I mused.
Joy, hands crossed on the table, pointed her index finger at me, leaned forward and said, "You--do everything without grumbling or complaining. Let Jesus talk to her."
Oh, how I love Joy! Her love for Christ and wisdom speak to my heart. By simplifying the words of Scripture and sharing from her own life, she displays Jesus in so many ways. Her schedule and demands are more rigorous than most, but she never complains. She is thankful!
And as David and I read the Psalms this morning, I was reminded of her and how we are able to do everything: without complaining. We can--if, and when--we praise God and give thanks.
To quote Joy, "I am healthy and my family is good. Everything God gives me is good.  Ehhh! Why would I complain?"

"I will extol You, my God, O King;
And I will bless Your name forever and ever.
² Every day I will bless You,
And I will praise Your name forever and ever.
³ Great is the Lord, and greatly to be praised;
And His greatness is unsearchable.

⁴ One generation shall praise Your works to another,
And shall declare Your mighty acts.
⁵ I will meditate on the glorious splendor of Your majesty,
And on Your wondrous works.
⁶ Men shall speak of the might of Your awesome acts,
And I will declare Your greatness.
⁷ They shall utter the memory of Your great goodness,
And shall sing of Your righteousness.

⁸ The Lord is gracious and full of compassion,
Slow to anger and great in mercy.
⁹ The Lord is good to all,
And His tender mercies are over all His works.

¹⁰ All Your works shall praise You, O Lord,
And Your saints shall bless You.
¹¹ They shall speak of the glory of Your kingdom,
And talk of Your power,
¹² To make known to the sons of men His mighty acts,
And the glorious majesty of His kingdom.
¹³ Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom,
And Your dominion endures throughout all generations.

¹⁴ The Lord upholds all who fall,
And raises up all who are bowed down.
¹⁵ The eyes of all look expectantly to You,
And You give them their food in due season.
¹⁶ You open Your hand
And satisfy the desire of every living thing.

¹⁷ The Lord is righteous in all His ways,
Gracious in all His works.
¹⁸ The Lord is near to all who call upon Him,
To all who call upon Him in truth.
¹⁹ He will fulfill the desire of those who fear Him;
He also will hear their cry and save them.
²⁰ The Lord preserves all who love Him,
But all the wicked He will destroy.
²¹ My mouth shall speak the praise of the Lord,
And all flesh shall bless His holy name
Forever and ever."

Psalm 145 

God Says, "Share"

In college, my roommate was in-state and I was out-of-state. She went home on weekends. I received care packages. Each time a package arrived she would chime, "God says, 'Share!'" I didn't want to. But I did--most of the time.

She was right of course. God says, "Share!" even in ministry.

How often do we take pride in being the only person to do a specific job in our local church or community? Long ago a friend shared her recipe for Scotcheroos then said, "But don't make them for church pot-lucks. That's my job."

We want to do the job well, to the best of our ability, but so easily exchange pride for humility. We begin to see ourselves as the only person who can do that job--or the only one to do it the way we want it done--and we lose sight of the purpose. God is not about the job. He's about Christlikeness: behind the coffeepot or offering plate, piano or pulpit. We count it an honor to be asked; validation to continue; imperative that we stay. But that's not biblical, nor is it right. Perhaps we've missed something in the teaching of the talents, the idea that those who are faithful with little will be entrusted with much. Jesus said it. And preached it (Matthew 25). But do we get it the way He meant it? Between our pride and independent society, we have a tendency to see the individual rather than the community.

The servant who had five talents, traded them. That involved someone besides himself.

The servant who had two talents did likewise.

The servant who had one talent dug a hole in the ground (by himself) and buried it (by himself).

When the master returned, he gave an excuse which he'd thought of--by himself.

Chances are the two who increased the new, generous, and amazing gift asked around. They sought help, counsel and ideas. "A wise man will hear and increase learning, And a man of understanding will attain wise counsel..." Proverbs 1:5. They interacted with others to multiply the master's wealth through investments that suited their ability to manage it. They learned from others' mistakes. They looked and thought and asked and observed. And they were rewarded for their faithfulness (Matthew 25:21,23).

Increasingly, I am learning to "Share!" when it comes to ministry. A parent has the built-in privilege of training and sharing ministry with their children at home, in the local church and community. Although it is not without struggle, children imitate their parents for better or for worse.  Shame on us if we don't capture the opportunity at hand whether it's serving together in the church nursery, preparing meals, visiting friends in nursing homes or illness, or glorifying God through music together.

What takes more time, effort and faith is to do the same with others. As we seek to serve Him (not ourselves), we will experience an outpouring of love and desire to include others in the tasks God has given us. Praying and watching, we can come alongside new riders and encourage them to climb on the seat of service. We cannot simply push them into the world, however, without  first running alongside, hand firmly on the back of the seat. Spoiler: It is more difficult to encourage someone else than to do a task than to do it ourselves. As they tip and turn we labor to breathe and keep our balance, bent awkwardly, running but bearing the weight of their spiritual struggles as part of our own. And always, always, we are dogged by pride. It's a high-risk proposition.

For my part, I've let go of the seat too early. I've failed to be patient or understanding. More often, I've continued serving in my own way, in my own niche, neglecting the calling to share and expand God's good gifts in others.

The process, the modeling of a life lived in trust and obedience, is grace. We share opportunities, blessings and struggles of life-ministry. Then, as God allows, we let loose and watch them go! Another believer is enabled to use his or her life more freely. The Master's talents have been multiplied.

Service is not the goal. Christ is. But our love for Him is evident in our love for others. May we not be so blind-sighted in our service or ministry that we lose sight of a God who says, "Share! I did."

And Jesus came and spoke to them, saying, “All authority has been given to Me in heaven and on earth. Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit,  teaching them to observe all things that I have commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” Matthew 28:18-20