Anger-What to do with it?

Few of us are willing to admit to anger. It's a word we avoid, an emotion we're uncomfortable with, a cloud of hurt, destruction and humiliation. But anger is biblical and real. Knowing how to identify and manage it not only glorifies God, it brings us joy, relief and spiritual maturity.
When we had younger children and the book, "The Heart of Anger," was recommended, I didn't realize I was the problem. Our children were children. My husband is a bonafide husband. And I was a push-over. It wasn't working very well.
The first step to using anger the way God intends is to identify it. Physically, real things are happening--and it's not all in your head. "Chemicals like adrenaline and noradrenaline surge through the body. In the brain, the amygdala, the part of the brain that deals with emotion, is going crazy. It wants to do something, and the time between a trigger event and a response from the amygdala can be a quarter of a second [source: Ellison]. But at the same time, blood flow is increasing to the frontal lobe, specifically the part of the brain that's over the left eye."*
One of the first things I learned was to say, "I'm starting to get angry." That was a cue to those around me--but especially myself--that something needed to change. Even now, I have that intentional thought, and it starts me down the right road.
Second, stop, look and listen. What just happened? Who said what? Why do I feel the way I do? It may mean I need to excuse myself or find a quiet place to think things through. The night my feelings got hurt over cupcakes (sad, but true), I turned my back to the group and worked at the kitchen counter while administering a heart exam/pep talk.
Third, ask God for help applying Scripture to the situation. If it's simply a matter of not getting what I want, it's easy to find Scripture (Matthew 22:39, Romans 12:10). If there's a problem to be solved or God's name and principles have been misused, I need to ask for wisdom (James 1:5).
Fourth, just do it. Confess and repent. Lovingly, sincerely give it up. Talk to the person involved. Solve the problem. Or intentionally wait on God (James 1:3).
A wrong response to anger always damages and destroys others--either blowing up immediately or clamming up at the time and overreacting later. Neither honors God. Neither solves the problem. They don't express supreme love for God and others--but supreme love for self.
Jesus was angry, but He attacked the problem--exploitation in the temple, false teaching by the Pharisees--not the person.** Even in His anger, He directed others back to the Father who desired repentance. Don't overlook the fact that you or I may be the problem that needs change.
Angry? Admit it (it's okay, you should). Stop, look, and listen. Prayerfully apply Scripture. Attack the problem, not the person. Ask forgiveness for the times you've blown it and move on.

Do not fret because of those who are evil
    or be envious of those who do wrong;
for like the grass they will soon wither,
    like green plants they will soon die away.

Trust in the Lord and do good;
    dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.

Take delight in the Lord,
    and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Commit your way to the Lord;
    trust in him and he will do this:
He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn,
    your vindication like the noonday sun.

Be still before the Lord
    and wait patiently for him;
do not fret when people succeed in their ways,
    when they carry out their wicked schemes.

Refrain from anger and turn from wrath;
    do not fret—it leads only to evil.
For those who are evil will be destroyed,
    but those who hope in the Lord will inherit the land.

A little while, and the wicked will be no more;
    though you look for them, they will not be found.
But the meek will inherit the land
    and enjoy peace and prosperity.

(Psalm 37:1-11)

*http://science.howstuffworks.com/life/inside-the-mind/emotions/anger2.htm
** The words of Dr. Bob Smith, "How to Handle Anger," Faith Biblical Counseling Training Conference, 2008.