Martha's Minion

"So I was standing at the sink washing potatoes for the ladies' retreat and wrestling with myself about why I was doing it," my friend admitted over coffee last week.
The three of us talked about how difficult it is to keep pure motives when we serve others--especially at church.
That took us to the topic of people who give gifts with expectations of how they should be used, or how we should respond, or with an extravagance that demands obligation.
Nice conversation. Biblical principles shared, agreed upon. Prayer offered. And we left, each to her day.

 

Disclaimer: Before you read the following, know that the women of our church are wonderful, generous, caring women. We love one another and enjoy serving together, but we all make mistakes. Sometimes we drop the ball. Each of us sins against God and others daily. The following is a real-life vignette of how God used the hot water of people and circumstances to draw out the contents of my teabag, a.k.a. heart.

That evening we met  at church for our ladies' retreat. It was time for the meal and there was miscommunication. Thinking there was a need for dessert, we had baked and counted and baked some more. Someone else brought root beer floats for the same reason. I was frustrated and angry.  As petty as it is, I even thought about the new Tupperware I'd purchased--just for cupcakes. And to find out, it wasn't needed; didn't fit the plan. I was put out. I. Me. My. Pride. My words from that morning echoed, "It's important to give and let go. If you're going to give, give. It doesn't belong to you anymore. If you can't let go, don't give. " The situation wasn't mine and I needed to let it go.

I had offered to play the piano since the other pianists would be out of town. Plans changed and two very capable, able, and enjoyable pianists came. I didn't want to play--and bring cupcakes. But I had offered a gift. I needed to let it go. I sighed, felt pressure to play well...and loudly...and.... Oh, crumb. Pride.

Weeks earlier I thought of an old, old song that fit the theme and had asked, "Would that be helpful?" not thinking (or knowing) about the piano...and cupcakes. "We'd appreciate it," was the answer. This wasn't what I had in mind at all. The microphone malfunctioned. I looked like, felt like, a three-ring circus.

And the theme? Mostly Mary. It was all about choosing that better thing, sitting at Jesus' feet instead of being worried and troubled about many things. Suddenly, I was Martha. I didn't intend to be busy and over committed. I evaluated and reviewed conversations--where did I go wrong?

The speaker addressed serving--that's what Jesus did--but keeping a balance so we don't over-serve and feel used, bitter, resentful, or self-exalting. Oh, boy. I had become the poster child for Martha's Minions--one of her understudies! And as God and I talked about it, I was thankful that He chose to use me, even as a bad example. I am not exempt from sinning or making wrong choices or consequences. Should He choose to use my sin for His purpose, who am I to demand otherwise?

And in that moment, there was peace. And the remembrance of forgiveness and love and grace. It's okay to sin and get caught. That's life. But it's even better to know Christ and live in His love.

"Yet indeed I also count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them as rubbish, that I may gain Christ ⁹ and be found in Him, not having my own righteousness, which is from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness which is from God by faith; ¹⁰ that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death, ¹¹ if, by any means, I may attain to the resurrection from the dead.
¹² Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me. ¹³ Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, ¹⁴ I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 3:8-14).