When All Around My Soul Gives Way

You've probably noticed that our world is messed up. Whether you're looking at financial, political, or social needs and frustrations, things seem to go from bad to worse. The harder you look, the more helpless you feel, the less sleep you get, and the harder it is to get up in the morning.

We seek and find escape or relief in different ways--entertainment, friends, busyness--but we always return to the difficulties and challenges of daily life.

I found it interesting to note that the people of Jesus' day experienced those same things: an oppressive government, inequality of power and resources, violence, discord, racism, disease, hunger.  And when Jesus walked the earth they came to Him for different reasons. The scribes and Pharisees sought to straighten Him out. In the event that didn't work, perhaps a sign would appease them. His disciples wanted to please the Pharisees--and be fed. The people wanted immediate healing, relief and comfort. Everyone wanted something from Jesus.

But Jesus is who He is. He doesn't change according to our need. He doesn't change according to our wants, our influence, importance, wealth, or demands. Nor does He change according to His. He is who He is.

To the hurting, He brings healing. To the hungry, He is the Bread of Life. To the thirsty, He is Living Water. For those in despair, He is the Light of the world. For the proud and rebellious, He is the Judge of the living and the dead. For the lost, He is the Good Shepherd.

Jesus' provision looks very different than our expectation, but it is always better. The question then, isn't "Why doesn't Jesus do _____ for me?" The question is, "What do I want from Jesus?" and "Why?"

God graciously brings us to the point of needing Him for who He is instead of what we want. It's so easy to fall into wanting Jesus to meet my wants and needs, seeing myself at the center of life instead of turning it around and putting Him at the center, giving myself to be used according to His purpose and design.

The world will continue to spin out of control, but I can set my heart and mind on His way and provision, giving thanks and experiencing joy in spite of it.

To You, O Lord, I lift up my soul.
O my God, in You I trust,
Do not let me be ashamed;
Do not let my enemies exult over me.
Indeed, none of those who wait for You will be ashamed;
Those who deal treacherously without cause will be ashamed.

Make me know Your ways, O Lord;
Teach me Your paths.
Lead me in Your truth and teach me,
For You are the God of my salvation;
For You I wait all the day.
Remember, O Lord, Your compassion and Your lovingkindnesses,
For they have been from of old.
Do not remember the sins of my youth or my transgressions;
According to Your lovingkindness remember me,
For Your goodness’ sake, O Lord.

Good and upright is the Lord;
Therefore He instructs sinners in the way.
He leads the humble in justice,
And He teaches the humble His way.
All the paths of the Lord are lovingkindness and truth
To those who keep His covenant and His testimonies.
For Your name’s sake, O Lord,
Pardon my iniquity, for it is great.

Who is the man who fears the Lord?
He will instruct him in the way he should choose.
His soul will abide in prosperity,
And his descendants will inherit the land.
The secret of the Lord is for those who fear Him,
And He will make them know His covenant.
My eyes are continually toward the Lord,
For He will pluck my feet out of the net.

Turn to me and be gracious to me,
For I am lonely and afflicted.
The troubles of my heart are enlarged;
Bring me out of my distresses.
Look upon my affliction and my trouble,
And forgive all my sins.
Look upon my enemies, for they are many,
And they hate me with violent hatred.
Guard my soul and deliver me;
Do not let me be ashamed, for I take refuge in You.
Let integrity and uprightness preserve me,
For I wait for You.
Redeem Israel, O God,
Out of all his troubles. (Psalm 25)

No Jesus

I've been working my way through a gospel Bible study, reading passages from the various gospels and answering the same questions each day. God has certainly been revealing Himself--and my own thoughts and heart. There are things a person can justify in the mind, but as soon as they're spoken or given words, they turn to sinful sludge.

This is here, not because it's greatly insightful, or because I need a place for confession, but because I saw it in others this morning--and myself--and it may open some thoughts in your own mind.

There is a sense in which I want to see everything as just fine, perfect, not needing change. In my head, I know that can't be true; it's all touched by sin and if I look closely, there are flaws here, there and everywhere. But I want to think it's all good. And it's not just me, it's others, too. We keep working toward, and wishing for, the perfect family, the perfect home, the perfect job, the perfect future. Even if we substitute the word, "better" for "perfect," our thoughts are that the next purchase, relationship, or life change will solve our current problems and fulfill us. It just will because, well, that's what's what we want; it's what's in our heads and hearts.

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In my biblically-thinking mind, I chalk up that desire for wanting good, or perfect, things to Ecclesiastes 3:11: "He has also set eternity in their heart." It makes sense that as beings created in the image of God that, with a sense of longing captured in a world of imperfection, we would seek perfect, God-like things. And that is not wrong.

The piece that so easily eludes me at times--and perhaps you, too--is wanting them without Jesus. There's a rebellious, prideful corner of my heart that wants what I want, when I want it, without bowing the knee to the perfect, all-powerful Son of God. Not His way. Not in His time. Not with His restraints of goodness, righteousness, and humility. I want it big. Even, if I may admit it, a bit of selfish greed (just enough to suit my style, not yours or anyone else's--remember, this is all about me). I want to have life my way without Jesus. And that, friends, when it pervades our hearts and finally makes it to the surface, is what nails me to the cross every time.

In that moment of realization it becomes very clear that there is nothing I can do, even on my best days, to deserve or earn the blessings of life. There is nothing I can sacrifice or pledge that begins to make up for the sinful sludge in my heart. I. must. have. Jesus. There is no other hope. No other goodness. No other grace. No other mercy, peace, kindness or source of joy. He alone is the Giver of life. He alone is worthy. He alone is deserving of praise, adoration, and the gifts of my life, polluted as they are, and He will have them.

Whatever it is, whether it's the next good gift--or the present one--I will never experience it fully apart from the grace of God through Jesus. I won't. I can't. The only place "my way" exists perfectly without Jesus is in the tainted imaginary world in my head. And, like the Pharisees of Jesus' day, I must decide to pursue my kingdom at the cost of my life or surrender it to His--and gain it. That is the choice.

This morning, I choose Jesus.

Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. He who loves his life loses it, and he who hates his life in this world will keep it to life eternal. If anyone serves Me, he must follow Me; and where I am, there My servant will be also; if anyone serves Me, the Father will honor him. (John 12:24-26)

Great Expectations

Heart check. When you or I are busy with ministry, how often do we pray for God to do our will? And how often do we ask God to do His through us?

I am working my way through Matthew 11 and processing what God is communicating through Jesus and His Word. In that passage John the Baptist sent messengers to Jesus asking, “Are You the Expected One, or shall we look for someone else?” In other words, "Are we working together?" John's sacrificed all he had and could have had for Jesus and the sake of the gospel: his career, a family, home, priestly reputation, creature comforts. He was all in. Even so, after intense ministry and in the midst of sacrifice, he was checking to make sure he was where God wanted Him, working alongside the Father, making way for the Savior. He didn't take his role and ministry for granted.

The people, on the other hand, wanted Jesus (and John) to meet their expectations. John was a curiosity. Jesus was a disappointment (see Matthew 11:7-9, 16-19). John was interesting. Jesus was out of control: a glutton, drunkard, friend of tax collectors and sinners. Neither one met their  profile of the ideal religious leader.

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The cities of Chorazin, Bethsaida, and Capernaum were unwilling to repent. They saw the miracles. They experienced Jesus and said, "That's great, but we're not interested." They had a religious system, a way of thinking about life and themselves that suited their comfort and interests.

How often, as I'm planning and doing, do I think, "God, Your plan's not (glitzy/good/exciting/whatever) enough. I'm going to tweak it"? The temptation is to control or seek a specific outcome rather than please and serve the Father. The truth is that it's not about my idea, goals, or mission. It's about His glory, His power, His ways, His plan--and He will accomplish His will with or without me. Life and ministry is not about God aligning with my plans, but me aligning with His. That's the importance and power of prayer through God's Word--getting my heart and brain in the right place before (and in the middle of) serving God and others. It's a matter of realizing that God's desires and ways are better than mine. His ways are perfect, best, loving, and holy. Mine are not.

When I have great plans and goals for my life (and ministry), I wear myself out with unnecessary effort. I push for my way of ministry, my desires, my long-term goals, my "way of doing things." As one mom said recently, "I'm going to make my child ______ or die trying." The answer? You'll die trying. Instead, I'm learning to stop. Look at God's Word. Prayerfully seek His will and way. Examine my heart. Repent of personal demands. Ask for wisdom. Wait. Consider. Move.

When I'm churning my wheels in the "...or die trying" phase, Jesus says, “Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30)

Personal newsflash: God's not all about VBS, summer carnival, tents, concerts, and 5 day clubs. He's about Himself. “I am the way, and the truth, and the life; no one comes to the Father but through Me" (John 14:6). As I let go of my expectations and represent Jesus in spirit and truth, not only does my job gets easier, but His joy and peace increase exponentially.

Preserve me, O God, for I take refuge in You.
I said to the Lord, “You are my Lord;
I have no good besides You.”
As for the saints who are in the earth,
They are the majestic ones in whom is all my delight.
The sorrows of those who have bartered for another god will be multiplied;
I shall not pour out their drink offerings of blood,
Nor will I take their names upon my lips.

The Lord is the portion of my inheritance and my cup;
You support my lot.
The lines have fallen to me in pleasant places;
Indeed, my heritage is beautiful to me.

I will bless the Lord who has counseled me;
Indeed, my mind instructs me in the night.
I have set the Lord continually before me;
Because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken.
Therefore my heart is glad and my glory rejoices;
My flesh also will dwell securely.
For You will not abandon my soul to Sheol;
Nor will You allow Your Holy One to undergo decay.
You will make known to me the path of life;
In Your presence is fullness of joy;
In Your right hand there are pleasures forever. (Psalm 16)