I've been working my way through a gospel Bible study, reading passages from the various gospels and answering the same questions each day. God has certainly been revealing Himself--and my own thoughts and heart. There are things a person can justify in the mind, but as soon as they're spoken or given words, they turn to sinful sludge.
This is here, not because it's greatly insightful, or because I need a place for confession, but because I saw it in others this morning--and myself--and it may open some thoughts in your own mind.
There is a sense in which I want to see everything as just fine, perfect, not needing change. In my head, I know that can't be true; it's all touched by sin and if I look closely, there are flaws here, there and everywhere. But I want to think it's all good. And it's not just me, it's others, too. We keep working toward, and wishing for, the perfect family, the perfect home, the perfect job, the perfect future. Even if we substitute the word, "better" for "perfect," our thoughts are that the next purchase, relationship, or life change will solve our current problems and fulfill us. It just will because, well, that's what's what we want; it's what's in our heads and hearts.
In my biblically-thinking mind, I chalk up that desire for wanting good, or perfect, things to Ecclesiastes 3:11: "He has also set eternity in their heart." It makes sense that as beings created in the image of God that, with a sense of longing captured in a world of imperfection, we would seek perfect, God-like things. And that is not wrong.
The piece that so easily eludes me at times--and perhaps you, too--is wanting them without Jesus. There's a rebellious, prideful corner of my heart that wants what I want, when I want it, without bowing the knee to the perfect, all-powerful Son of God. Not His way. Not in His time. Not with His restraints of goodness, righteousness, and humility. I want it big. Even, if I may admit it, a bit of selfish greed (just enough to suit my style, not yours or anyone else's--remember, this is all about me). I want to have life my way without Jesus. And that, friends, when it pervades our hearts and finally makes it to the surface, is what nails me to the cross every time.
In that moment of realization it becomes very clear that there is nothing I can do, even on my best days, to deserve or earn the blessings of life. There is nothing I can sacrifice or pledge that begins to make up for the sinful sludge in my heart. I. must. have. Jesus. There is no other hope. No other goodness. No other grace. No other mercy, peace, kindness or source of joy. He alone is the Giver of life. He alone is worthy. He alone is deserving of praise, adoration, and the gifts of my life, polluted as they are, and He will have them.
Whatever it is, whether it's the next good gift--or the present one--I will never experience it fully apart from the grace of God through Jesus. I won't. I can't. The only place "my way" exists perfectly without Jesus is in the tainted imaginary world in my head. And, like the Pharisees of Jesus' day, I must decide to pursue my kingdom at the cost of my life or surrender it to His--and gain it. That is the choice.
This morning, I choose Jesus.
Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. He who loves his life loses it, and he who hates his life in this world will keep it to life eternal. If anyone serves Me, he must follow Me; and where I am, there My servant will be also; if anyone serves Me, the Father will honor him. (John 12:24-26)
This is here, not because it's greatly insightful, or because I need a place for confession, but because I saw it in others this morning--and myself--and it may open some thoughts in your own mind.
There is a sense in which I want to see everything as just fine, perfect, not needing change. In my head, I know that can't be true; it's all touched by sin and if I look closely, there are flaws here, there and everywhere. But I want to think it's all good. And it's not just me, it's others, too. We keep working toward, and wishing for, the perfect family, the perfect home, the perfect job, the perfect future. Even if we substitute the word, "better" for "perfect," our thoughts are that the next purchase, relationship, or life change will solve our current problems and fulfill us. It just will because, well, that's what's what we want; it's what's in our heads and hearts.
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In my biblically-thinking mind, I chalk up that desire for wanting good, or perfect, things to Ecclesiastes 3:11: "He has also set eternity in their heart." It makes sense that as beings created in the image of God that, with a sense of longing captured in a world of imperfection, we would seek perfect, God-like things. And that is not wrong.
The piece that so easily eludes me at times--and perhaps you, too--is wanting them without Jesus. There's a rebellious, prideful corner of my heart that wants what I want, when I want it, without bowing the knee to the perfect, all-powerful Son of God. Not His way. Not in His time. Not with His restraints of goodness, righteousness, and humility. I want it big. Even, if I may admit it, a bit of selfish greed (just enough to suit my style, not yours or anyone else's--remember, this is all about me). I want to have life my way without Jesus. And that, friends, when it pervades our hearts and finally makes it to the surface, is what nails me to the cross every time.
In that moment of realization it becomes very clear that there is nothing I can do, even on my best days, to deserve or earn the blessings of life. There is nothing I can sacrifice or pledge that begins to make up for the sinful sludge in my heart. I. must. have. Jesus. There is no other hope. No other goodness. No other grace. No other mercy, peace, kindness or source of joy. He alone is the Giver of life. He alone is worthy. He alone is deserving of praise, adoration, and the gifts of my life, polluted as they are, and He will have them.
Whatever it is, whether it's the next good gift--or the present one--I will never experience it fully apart from the grace of God through Jesus. I won't. I can't. The only place "my way" exists perfectly without Jesus is in the tainted imaginary world in my head. And, like the Pharisees of Jesus' day, I must decide to pursue my kingdom at the cost of my life or surrender it to His--and gain it. That is the choice.
This morning, I choose Jesus.
Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. He who loves his life loses it, and he who hates his life in this world will keep it to life eternal. If anyone serves Me, he must follow Me; and where I am, there My servant will be also; if anyone serves Me, the Father will honor him. (John 12:24-26)
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