For Women Only (or Not): Riding the Struggle Bus

Alright, ladies. I'm going to lay it out there. Because I'm not a man. Because I do know. Because we're in this together.

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Last week I was just. angry. frustrated. irritated. Under-the-skin crawling. At my husband. My children. My mother-in-law. The youth leaders. The people in hallway at church. Which means it wasn't them, it was me.

Here's the hard truth. When "that time of the month" hits, it's not an excuse to be crabby, cranky, difficult, moody...you know the drill. When I'm feeling out of sorts, frustrated and angry with the world, it's time to examine my heart. "My heart?" Yes, my heart. Because,

"...the things that proceed out of the mouth come from the heart, and those defile the man. For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, slanders." (Matthew 5:18-19)

Yes, hormones may be off and we know everyone else isn't as perfect as we are--but--the problem is not physical. The problem is spiritual. In the book, Blame it One the Brain, Ed Welch says there's a difference between physical limitations and sin. He discusses brain injury, ADHD, senility and Alzheimer's and arrives at the conclusion that they do not cause sinful behavior, but they may remove inhibitions. In other words, what's going on in the heart may be exposed as a result of physical injury, change or dysfunction, but physical infirmities do not create sin. They simply reveal our heart and desires.

May I walk out on a limb and say the same is true of us? Our hormonal, physical state may remove some inhibiting forces and expose what is really going on under the surface of our normal, everyday machinations. What that means is that the change and flux is not an excuse for misbehavior, but an opportunity for sanctification. It's an opportunity for me to examine my heart: what makes me angry? Why am I angry? What do I really want that I'm not getting right now? What's happening in my thoughts? Why?

It's also an opportunity for me to depend more and more on Jesus Christ. How many times do I cry, "Help me, Lord," or "I need you," or "I was wrong. You are right."

And, last week, as I struggled and wrestled and prayed I was afraid of the future, of that l-o-n-g period of time when everything's up for grabs and life is difficult. But I was reminded that will be yet another opportunity to lean on the Lord, to learn humility and exercise grace. It is not a "valley of the shadow of death," but a mountain to climb.

If you are a man that wants to share this with a woman--be careful. Don't (if you value your life, peace, and the pursuit of happiness). Instead, pray. Wait. Love. Extend grace. Encourage. And, as the Lord allows, He will work His perfect will in her life. Because guess what? It's your struggle-bus, too. It's your opportunity to be sanctified, to experience being out-of-control, to see what's in your heart. So read it again. Because guess what? This is for all of us.


So then, brethren, we are under obligation, not to the flesh, to live according to the flesh— for if you are living according to the flesh, you must die; but if by the Spirit you are putting to death the deeds of the body, you will live. For all who are being led by the Spirit of God, these are sons of God. For you have not received a spirit of slavery leading to fear again, but you have received a spirit of adoption as sons by which we cry out, “Abba! Father!” The Spirit Himself testifies with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, heirs also, heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him so that we may also be glorified with Him.

For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us. For the anxious longing of the creation waits eagerly for the revealing of the sons of God. For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of Him who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself also will be set free from its slavery to corruption into the freedom of the glory of the children of God. For we know that the whole creation groans and suffers the pains of childbirth together until now. And not only this, but also we ourselves, having the first fruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, waiting eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our body. For in hope we have been saved, but hope that is seen is not hope; for who hopes for what he already sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, with perseverance we wait eagerly for it...

In the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words; and He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.

And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. For those whom He foreknew, He also predestined to become conformed to the image of His Son, so that He would be the firstborn among many brethren; and these whom He predestined, He also called; and these whom He called, He also justified; and these whom He justified, He also glorified. (Romans 8:16-29)

Effective Service

So I heard myself pray, "God, please keep me lowly of heart and effective..... Is that possible?"

I said it again and realized the lie. It's as if  one negates the other--humility and effectiveness. "Really?" I asked. "Yes," I answered. How often we think that that to do something well we need to be "at the top of our game," "locked and loaded," "ready for bear" when God says something entirely different.

Jesus is our example and He was most effective when He thought of others as more important than Himself. He was successful when He did not look out for His own interests, when He looked to the interests of others, when He did not seek His station or equality, when He emptied Himself, took the form of a bondservant, took on a lowly appearance, and became obedient to the point of death on the cross (Phil. 2:3-8).

The lie, then, is that I have to "be someone" to be used; that others must see me as important, respected, and worth their time. The opposite, in God's kingdom, is true.

Do I consider others more important than myself? Do I let them go first in traffic? Hold doors open? Adjust my schedule and preferences for theirs?

How often do I consider another's interests? Priorities? Likes and dislikes?

Do I ever take the last place? Put myself behind others in conversation, seating, or decision- making?

How willing am I to give up my rights? To yield to others, be flexible, and seek peace at my expense?

Am I content with a lowly appearance? Or do I need to impress others? Look better than? Younger than? More attractive than?

And am I obedient to God regardless of the cost? Or do I, like Cain, argue that God is too demanding, too harsh, too unkind? (Gen. 1:13)

In and through it all is the realization that a) it's not about me, it's about God's praise and glory and b) I am not serving God--He is serving me. Any act of service, any kindness, or gift is done through His enabling. God cannot be served by human hands. There is nothing we have to offer that He will accept. But Jesus. Jesus came to serve--and He continues to serve by His Spirit, through His people, empowering us with His Word. God will accept the work of Jesus Christ. It is all we have to offer--ourselves in Christ.

The right prayer, then, is, "God, please help me recognize my rightful place; to be lowly of heart and, as you see fit, fruitful in your service."

The God who made the world and all things in it, since He is Lord of heaven and earth, does not dwell in temples made with hands; nor is He served by human hands, as though He needed anything, since He Himself gives to all people life and breath and all things; and He made from one man every nation of mankind to live on all the face of the earth, having determined their appointed times and the boundaries of their habitation, that they would seek God, if perhaps they might grope for Him and find Him, though He is not far from each one of us; for in Him we live and move and exist... (Acts 17:24-28 NASB)

"For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many.” (Mark 10:45)

[Jesus said], "Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself unless it abides in the vine, so neither can you unless you abide in Me. I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing." (John 15:4-5) 

A True Reflection

There are times I walk by a mirror and know I don't want to see what's there.  Other times I need a mirror to make one part of myself presentable but pose in a way that prevents me from seeing other parts. Or I use as small a mirror as possible to get the job done.

It's rather personal, but my guess is I'm not the only one.

But as interact with the mirror--looking at less attractive features and seeking solutions--the reflection changes over time.

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The same is true of God's Word--likened to a mirror. Sometimes I don't even want to know what it says about who I am and what I'm like, so I avoid it altogether. Other times I read portions of the Bible that are comfortable--over and over--and avoid those that reveal things I don't want to see. Sometimes I use as small a piece of the Bible as necessary--or take it in the smallest possible dose (i.e a sermon)--to get the job done and say I did it.

Much like a child playing peek-a-boo, if I can't see it, it doesn't exist. But we know better, don't we? Just because we don't see the problem doesn't mean others don't...that God doesn't. What it means is that I don't. And that's really, really dangerous.

In the world of mirrors, fashion, and real life, I don't have to care what others think of me. It can be a total focus or total disregard. In spiritual terms, what's there is there. Reality counts. Reality has consequences. Reality is not just temporal but eternal. Ready or not, I need to know. And, as I interact with the truth of God's Word and the reality of my need, He works change over time. Unlike a mirror, God not only reveals the need, He provides the solution.

In Christ, we are not left to our own devices. Because of the Spirit that resides in His people, God pursues us, works for our perfection and Christlikeness. He is more concerned about our outcome than we are. So, when God presents and opportunity to look soundly into the mirror of His Word, take it. Thank Him. Ask for help restoring and reconfiguring your reflection. When we look in and Christ looks back, what joy!

O Lord, You have searched me and known me.
You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
You understand my thought from afar.
You scrutinize my path and my lying down,
And are intimately acquainted with all my ways.
Even before there is a word on my tongue,
Behold, O Lord, You know it all.
You have enclosed me behind and before,
And laid Your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
It is too high, I cannot attain to it.

Where can I go from Your Spirit?
Or where can I flee from Your presence?
If I ascend to heaven, You are there;
If I make my bed in Sheol, behold, You are there.
If I take the wings of the dawn,
If I dwell in the remotest part of the sea,
Even there Your hand will lead me,
And Your right hand will lay hold of me.
If I say, “Surely the darkness will overwhelm me,
And the light around me will be night,”
Even the darkness is not dark to You,
And the night is as bright as the day.
Darkness and light are alike to You.

For You formed my inward parts;
You wove me in my mother’s womb.
I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Wonderful are Your works,
And my soul knows it very well.
My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth;
Your eyes have seen my unformed substance;
And in Your book were all written
The days that were ordained for me,
When as yet there was not one of them.

How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
If I should count them, they would outnumber the sand.
When I awake, I am still with You.

O that You would slay the wicked, O God;
Depart from me, therefore, men of bloodshed.
For they speak against You wickedly,
And Your enemies take Your name in vain.
Do I not hate those who hate You, O Lord?
And do I not loathe those who rise up against You?
I hate them with the utmost hatred;
They have become my enemies.

Search me, O God, and know my heart;
Try me and know my anxious thoughts;
And see if there be any hurtful way in me,
And lead me in the everlasting way. (Psalm 139)