Complaining in Black and White

So this week when the temperature dipped again, schedules ran amuck and dental appointments went haywire, I saw complaining in black and white.

Last time I questioned the difference between authenticity ("Wow, this is hard") and complaining ("I don't like this"). The answer came in a moment when I realized complaining is another way of saying, "I want when I want it!" Ooh. Not pretty. Not desirable or appealing, but true.

When I complain, "I'm cold," really means "I don't like being cold. I want to be warm."
"My husband expects breakfast on the table at 7:00a.m. sharp," means "I don't want to serve my husband breakfast at 7 every morning."
"I wish I could go shopping today," means "I don't want to do whatever it is I'm obligated to. I'd rather go shopping."

The solution? Ah, the solution made me cringe. I had to own up to my discontent. God had provided for my need. I turned and stomped my foot in response. It's not a small offense. Once I got past the choking words of guilt and admission, words flowed and my heart began to melt. It sounded something like this:

"Oh, God. I want __________ and I'm angry and resentful You haven't provided it. I don't like feeling this way and I know it's wrong. Please help me let go of my desire and trust You. Help me want what You want, because right now, I don't.

"Until my heart changes, please give those around me grace. Please fill my heart with grace; help me be patient, gentle and loving because right now, I'm not. I can't manufacture those things, they're not in me, they're from You by Your Spirit.

"Help me give up what I want and desire to please You more than myself. Ugh. Why do I want what I want all the time? Thank you for giving Yourself for me. I need You. I am rebellious and selfish, but You know that. You loved me and died for this rotting, demanding soul who loses sight of You and fights against Your will and way. Please forgive me for not being content and trusting You with what is best. Thank You for working out Your good purpose and glory in my life. Amen."

I can't say change happened lickety-split, but God answered my prayer. He changed my heart and revealed the pride that lies behind complaining--the I-want-what-I-want syndrome. May God help us trust and depend on Him in each situation, for every moment. Praise God for His perfect love and provision, because I know I need it. It wasn't the last time I'll ever complain...but seeing the reflection as I stuck out my tongue at the mirror of God's Word is great motivation for change!

(see a similar post from my friend, Sarah, "The God Who Satisfies: Comfort or Contentment?" )

"Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope. Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.
For when we were still without strength, in due time Christ died for the ungodly." (Romans 5:1-6)

"Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content: I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." (Philippians 4:11-13)

"Do all things without complaining and disputing, that you may become blameless and harmless, children of God without fault in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world, holding fast the word of life, so that I may rejoice in the day of Christ that I have not run in vain or labored in vain." (Philippians 2:14-16)

Authentic or Complaining? What's the Difference

Facebook is full of it. Conversation stirs. Life happens. We share. My most recent thought-spinning has been, "Am I complaining? Or being real? Is it wrong to seek understanding when life disappoints?

One of our greatest heart-motivations, especially as women, is to be understood. We share because we want someone--anyone--to enter our experience and share our joy, hurt, frustration, disquiet. I can only imagine weary Adam listening to Eve process their sin after removal from the Garden. How we long to be heard, known, understood and affirmed.

Unfortunately we find it easiest, natural even, to seek understanding in selfish, short-sighted ways. We argue; we complain. We respond with sarcasm, flirting and slander. Or, wonder of wonders, we clam up altogether and dare someone to draw us out.

One of my recent goals has been to be who I am both in public and private. The same person--warts, hairspray and all. Jesus, my example, was who He was (and is who He is!). Nothing more. Nothing less. That's my goal. But where on that continuum is the line between authenticity and complaining?

What do I say (or not say) when plans change, disappointments strike, and wishes fritter away? Do I bite my tongue? Ask for prayer? Praise the Lord? What's real and what's wrong? I'm still working it out in my head and heart, realizing that others feel relief and encouragement when they witness God at work in my struggles and trials in spite of my sinful self. The goal is to honor God through honesty--even if it's not comfortable, or pretty, or pleasing to men. The flip side is to get caught up in moaning about unwanted circumstances and unmet expectations or cover them altogether, shushing loud children, presenting coiffed hair and a calm smile. How wide is the line? How narrow? If you have a thought or comment, please share it below.

I realize some of you are facing life or death decisions and circumstances. Please know that this entry is not intended to be trite or insensitive; it's simply where the rubber meets the road for the author in this moment. Perhaps you will share a comment or two as well.

"I would have lost heart, unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait on the Lord; be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart; wait, I say, on the Lord!" (Psalm 27:13-14)

 

"Do all things without complaining and disputing, that you may become blameless and harmless, children of God without fault in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world,  holding fast the word of life, so that I may rejoice in the day of Christ that I have not run in vain or labored in vain." (Philippians 2:14-16)

 

"Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer each one." (Colossians 4:6)

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.  And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption." (Ephesians 4:29-30)
 

The God Who Sees Gives Sight

Just a note from my personal readings lately for encouragement:

Genesis 21:19: Then God opened her eyes [Hagar]and she saw a well of water; and she went and filled the skin with water and gave the lad a drink.

Impression: In Genesis 16:13: Then she [Hagar] called the name of the LORD who spoke to her, “You are a God who sees”; for she said, “Have I even remained alive here after seeing Him?” The first time Hagar was in trouble, the Lord came to her and SAW her. This time, the Lord was with her and opened her eyes. Is that not the way God works with us? First He sees us and makes Himself known, then He allows us to see His provision.

Application: God sees my need. He knows before I ask (Matthew 6). The question is, in my need will I call out to Him or try to take care of the problem myself? My need for and dependence on Him is a function of prayer. When I call, He not only sees, but eventually He will open my eyes to His provision. In this way, He is glorified and honored, praised and exalted for meeting my need. He is the God who sees. He is the God who provides. Am I willing to submit myself to His care?