Authentic or Complaining? What's the Difference

Facebook is full of it. Conversation stirs. Life happens. We share. My most recent thought-spinning has been, "Am I complaining? Or being real? Is it wrong to seek understanding when life disappoints?

One of our greatest heart-motivations, especially as women, is to be understood. We share because we want someone--anyone--to enter our experience and share our joy, hurt, frustration, disquiet. I can only imagine weary Adam listening to Eve process their sin after removal from the Garden. How we long to be heard, known, understood and affirmed.

Unfortunately we find it easiest, natural even, to seek understanding in selfish, short-sighted ways. We argue; we complain. We respond with sarcasm, flirting and slander. Or, wonder of wonders, we clam up altogether and dare someone to draw us out.

One of my recent goals has been to be who I am both in public and private. The same person--warts, hairspray and all. Jesus, my example, was who He was (and is who He is!). Nothing more. Nothing less. That's my goal. But where on that continuum is the line between authenticity and complaining?

What do I say (or not say) when plans change, disappointments strike, and wishes fritter away? Do I bite my tongue? Ask for prayer? Praise the Lord? What's real and what's wrong? I'm still working it out in my head and heart, realizing that others feel relief and encouragement when they witness God at work in my struggles and trials in spite of my sinful self. The goal is to honor God through honesty--even if it's not comfortable, or pretty, or pleasing to men. The flip side is to get caught up in moaning about unwanted circumstances and unmet expectations or cover them altogether, shushing loud children, presenting coiffed hair and a calm smile. How wide is the line? How narrow? If you have a thought or comment, please share it below.

I realize some of you are facing life or death decisions and circumstances. Please know that this entry is not intended to be trite or insensitive; it's simply where the rubber meets the road for the author in this moment. Perhaps you will share a comment or two as well.

"I would have lost heart, unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait on the Lord; be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart; wait, I say, on the Lord!" (Psalm 27:13-14)

 

"Do all things without complaining and disputing, that you may become blameless and harmless, children of God without fault in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world,  holding fast the word of life, so that I may rejoice in the day of Christ that I have not run in vain or labored in vain." (Philippians 2:14-16)

 

"Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer each one." (Colossians 4:6)

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.  And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption." (Ephesians 4:29-30)
 

The God Who Sees Gives Sight

Just a note from my personal readings lately for encouragement:

Genesis 21:19: Then God opened her eyes [Hagar]and she saw a well of water; and she went and filled the skin with water and gave the lad a drink.

Impression: In Genesis 16:13: Then she [Hagar] called the name of the LORD who spoke to her, “You are a God who sees”; for she said, “Have I even remained alive here after seeing Him?” The first time Hagar was in trouble, the Lord came to her and SAW her. This time, the Lord was with her and opened her eyes. Is that not the way God works with us? First He sees us and makes Himself known, then He allows us to see His provision.

Application: God sees my need. He knows before I ask (Matthew 6). The question is, in my need will I call out to Him or try to take care of the problem myself? My need for and dependence on Him is a function of prayer. When I call, He not only sees, but eventually He will open my eyes to His provision. In this way, He is glorified and honored, praised and exalted for meeting my need. He is the God who sees. He is the God who provides. Am I willing to submit myself to His care?

Beautful Faith: One Woman's Testimony of Grace

Last week’s post, “Faith: Just Do It,” was written to myself (!) regarding areas of struggle where I get stuck. Over and over I give in to myself; to sin. Over and over I whine and wait for a “Shazam!” moment from the Lord. The small child who stubbornly refused to obey the nursery worker was a picture to/of me when I refuse to turn from my way to God's in brokenness, with neediness and humility of heart.

One reader commented: “I tend to think of it more of as a matter of trust. Trust and faith are exercised in tandem. For me it is a matter of choice and choosing to trust that which my faith is grounded in and then stepping onto the unknown path the Lord has me walking on.”
 

 

Her comment carries a great deal of weight. Although she is a young mother, she was recently diagnosed with breast cancer and instead of getting better, the reports get worse.  I asked if she would share because of the tender, peace-filled words that come across the page. She answered, “I don't want to be the focus, I want Christ and what He is doing to be the focus :).” Below is her testimony of how God is revealing Himself during this time, for His glory.

She wrote:

I want you to know the Lord is amazing and he is growing me much in this area. I knew I had faith, I knew I wanted to obey, but without trusting in the promises he has given us you can't move when the storms come. I don't know where this journey will lead me, I don't know the path it will take, but what I do know is the more I place my trust in Him, my faith gets stronger and the ability to be obedient where fear, doubt and worry play are so much easier. The more I trust the easier each of these areas becomes. I have no fear, nor worries. I know I am being used by the Lord and my greatest pleasure is knowing that He will use this for His glory.

When I first was told that I had cancer, it was a shock because I had been told that the chance was very small, like only a 10 percent chance for several different reasons…  I knew in that moment I had a choice to make. I had to make a willful choice to trust in the Lord. Despite all odds tests kept coming back worse than anticipated, I chose to trust that because if the odds were against what was happening then that meant this had to be the Lord's will and therefore part of a larger plan. As I prayed and held on to the promises the Lord has given us and choosing to trust those things, I have grown to a different kind of obedience.

I think most of us get wrapped up in the obedience of works/actions (I don't think it is wrong but it is not the only way we are called to obedience) that we forget we have been called to be obedient in our emotional responses. This is where the Lord is working on me: Patience, fear, worry, doubt, stress, discontent. These are not God given and they drive a wedge, if we allow it, in our relationship with Christ. I made a choice to try as hard as I could to turn my back on these things and hold on to Christ as an anchor. What I have discovered and learned is that as I purposefully try to obey God in this way my faith has grown exponentially, I find it easier to trust in His word and consequently it is easier to obey. But for me it had to start with choosing to trust the promises he has given.

We get wrapped up in obedience and faith that we forget sometimes that we simply need to trust in the Lord and His promises. We forget to trust that the Lord is in control of all things and simply rest in Him. By the Word of God He does expect us to trust:

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding. Proverbs 3:5

Pay attention and turn your ear to the sayings of the wise; apply your heart to what I teach, for it is pleasing when you keep them in your heart and have all of them ready on your lips. So that your trust may be in the Lord, I teach you today, even you. Proverbs 22:17-19

Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge. Psalm 62:8

You who fear him, trust in the Lord—he is their help and shield. Psalm 115:11

 

Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid.
The Lord, the Lord himself, is my strength and my defense; he has become my salvation.” Isaiah 12:2

You will keep him in perfect peace, Whose mind is stayed on You, Because he trusts in You. Isaiah 26:3

 Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, And whose hope is the Lord. Jeremiah 17:7

 ... that we who first trusted in Christ should be to the praise of His glory. Ephesians 1:12

Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13

For to this end we both labor and suffer reproach, because we trust in the living God, who is the Savior of all men, especially of those who believe.  1 Timothy 4:10  

 

In thinking through our inner motivation for obedience (love and trust--which pleases God or fear and a desire to escape punishment--which does not), may we offer our thoughts, attitudes, emotions and actions to Him in prayer first and foremost. He is the great Healer, the Sustainer, the Giver of all good things. He wants us to be at peace, to experience satisfaction and hope regardless of our circumstances.

As the Lord allows, please remember this dear sister and her family in your prayers.