In raising our family, we have seen tragedy strike others and we take it as an opportunity to evaluate our own hearts and lives. Recently we heard of a previously committed, professing Christian and full-time mom who walked out on her husband and family. The story isn't over; God's grace is always enough, but so many lives have been affected by this once-professing Christ follower, namely, her children.
When Momma walks away from Jesus, where does that leave her children? This was a good reminder for me to stop and reflect, to shout the warning, "Super-Momma, stop! Look! Beware!" I recognize that this post could create a "conversation." Right or wrong, biased or not, the goal is to heighten awareness, to put our focus on God instead of ourselves. It's okay if you don't agree--and I welcome your comments--but, in the end, I pray this post redirects each of us to Jesus in one way or another.
Some Super Mommas home-school their children. Others place their children in public or private school. Super Mommas may appear put-together or somewhat at a loss. Regardless of the differences, children of Super Mommas change in skill and size, but lean heavily on one person: Super Momma. Based on observation and experience, here are some danger signs:
- Children cannot complete age-appropriate tasks without Momma's encouragement, direction, or assistance. Momma cannot not encourage, direct and assist.
- Children constantly make eye-contact with Momma; they are hesitant to act or interact with others independently.
- Children are seldom left in other's care or influence. Conversations with other adults are regurgitated and reinterpreted according to Momma.
- Children do not self-regulate their speech (i.e. interruptions), interactions with others, discernment, decisions, time management, chores, responsibilities, etc. because Momma does it for them.
- Momma feels threatened, angry, and/or defensive when others make suggestions, correct, or instruct her or her children children.
- Momma measures her worth, failure and success by her children's achievements or lack thereof.
Some children walk away altogether. As they get older, they see themselves as Momma's thermostat rather than an individual with a will and life of their own and rebel. Super Momma falters and falls to one degree or another because of her failure. What did she miss? How did this happen? Why do other children thrive, children whose parents are "careless" while her own fledgling(s) struggle to get off the ground?
What affects even more people is when Momma turns her back on Jesus and His Church. She's hit the end of the road. Her children are gone. Her calling has greatly diminished, if not ended. Ka-putz. Finished. The driving force and purpose for life has vanished. Not only are her children busy with their own lives, they also fail to appreciate her years of self-sacrifice and personal loss. Momma is now a post-momma. A shell. An after thought.
All at once, the world is big and new, an oyster waiting to be plucked. Perhaps she moves forward on fumes of resentment, bitterness, and self-pity because she "gave it all" and is experiencing great loss. All those years, she may have refused to leave her children for date nights or get-aways with her husband, to spend money on her personal needs and wants, build relationships with other women (as a person, not a Momma), pursue her own interests, fan to flame her spiritual gifts, invest outside her family.... And now, the time is gone. The opportunities are past. The investment has been paid out. Her reason and purpose for life has disappeared. All that's left is loss. Grief. Regret. Emptiness. Loneliness. A great. Big. Hole.
It is a good reminder for me to stop and examine my own heart. In parenting and loving, doing what God has called me to, am I seeking to fulfill my desire for success, achievement, fulfillment, control, order, appreciation, approval, recognition through our children? From the outside, it might be difficult to tell, but God is faithful. He has a way of knocking down what we value most, apart from Himself. This one, unfortunately, is long in coming, sucking the life out of a person day after day, month by month, decade by decade.
There is also the danger of failing to recognize, know, love, or admire the man a Super Momma committed herself to so many years ago at the altar. The gift God provided in the form of a husband, life mate, brother in Christ, and image of His love. It was all about the children. Somehow, the fact that he gave and sacrificed for so long, in so many ways, doesn't matter. Her sacrifice. His sacrifice. It was all for the children. And where has it gone?
She tried to be Jesus--and failed. She thought if she did it right, if she gave it all, if, if, if...life would be beautiful and they would live happily ever after. Her children would be model citizens and active servants of God. They would love, admire, and appreciate her efforts and she would continue to be their compass and companion.
The problem is that it was based on her effort and sacrifice, not faith. It was up to her; it was her responsibility; there was no room for the grace of God, for children who disobey, fail, and exercise their own faith based on natural and parental consequences. There was fear of appearance, fear of failure, fear of the future, fear of children's salvation (or lack thereof)... so much fear. So little faith.
In and through it all, God can use even the failings of a Super-Momma to call His children to Himself. He can send a storm to shake the world of the Super-Momma who has jumped on a ship to Tarshish and left her husband in the dust. He can and will use it all. But He also gives us examples of warning--and for me, this was one.
See to it, brothers and sisters, that none of you has a sinful, unbelieving heart that turns away from the living God. But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called “Today,” so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness. We have come to share in Christ, if indeed we hold our original conviction firmly to the very end. As has just been said:
“Today, if you hear his voice,
do not harden your hearts
as you did in the rebellion.”
Who were they who heard and rebelled? Were they not all those Moses led out of Egypt? And with whom was he angry for forty years? Was it not with those who sinned, whose bodies perished in the wilderness? And to whom did God swear that they would never enter his rest if not to those who disobeyed? So we see that they were not able to enter, because of their unbelief. (Hebrews 3:12-19)
Therefore, since the promise of entering his rest still stands, let us be careful that none of you be found to have fallen short of it. For we also have had the good news proclaimed to us, just as they did; but the message they heard was of no value to them, because they did not share the faith of those who obeyed.
Therefore since it still remains for some to enter that rest, and since those who formerly had the good news proclaimed to them did not go in because of their disobedience, God again set a certain day, calling it “Today.” This he did when a long time later he spoke through David, as in the passage already quoted:
“Today, if you hear his voice,
do not harden your hearts.”
For if Joshua had given them rest, God would not have spoken later about another day. There remains, then, a Sabbath-rest for the people of God; for anyone who enters God’s rest also rests from their works, just as God did from his. Let us, therefore, make every effort to enter that rest, so that no one will perish by following their example of disobedience. (Hebrews 4:1-2, 6-11)
When Momma walks away from Jesus, where does that leave her children? This was a good reminder for me to stop and reflect, to shout the warning, "Super-Momma, stop! Look! Beware!" I recognize that this post could create a "conversation." Right or wrong, biased or not, the goal is to heighten awareness, to put our focus on God instead of ourselves. It's okay if you don't agree--and I welcome your comments--but, in the end, I pray this post redirects each of us to Jesus in one way or another.
Some Super Mommas home-school their children. Others place their children in public or private school. Super Mommas may appear put-together or somewhat at a loss. Regardless of the differences, children of Super Mommas change in skill and size, but lean heavily on one person: Super Momma. Based on observation and experience, here are some danger signs:
- Children cannot complete age-appropriate tasks without Momma's encouragement, direction, or assistance. Momma cannot not encourage, direct and assist.
- Children constantly make eye-contact with Momma; they are hesitant to act or interact with others independently.
- Children are seldom left in other's care or influence. Conversations with other adults are regurgitated and reinterpreted according to Momma.
- Children do not self-regulate their speech (i.e. interruptions), interactions with others, discernment, decisions, time management, chores, responsibilities, etc. because Momma does it for them.
- Momma feels threatened, angry, and/or defensive when others make suggestions, correct, or instruct her or her children children.
- Momma measures her worth, failure and success by her children's achievements or lack thereof.
Some children walk away altogether. As they get older, they see themselves as Momma's thermostat rather than an individual with a will and life of their own and rebel. Super Momma falters and falls to one degree or another because of her failure. What did she miss? How did this happen? Why do other children thrive, children whose parents are "careless" while her own fledgling(s) struggle to get off the ground?
What affects even more people is when Momma turns her back on Jesus and His Church. She's hit the end of the road. Her children are gone. Her calling has greatly diminished, if not ended. Ka-putz. Finished. The driving force and purpose for life has vanished. Not only are her children busy with their own lives, they also fail to appreciate her years of self-sacrifice and personal loss. Momma is now a post-momma. A shell. An after thought.
All at once, the world is big and new, an oyster waiting to be plucked. Perhaps she moves forward on fumes of resentment, bitterness, and self-pity because she "gave it all" and is experiencing great loss. All those years, she may have refused to leave her children for date nights or get-aways with her husband, to spend money on her personal needs and wants, build relationships with other women (as a person, not a Momma), pursue her own interests, fan to flame her spiritual gifts, invest outside her family.... And now, the time is gone. The opportunities are past. The investment has been paid out. Her reason and purpose for life has disappeared. All that's left is loss. Grief. Regret. Emptiness. Loneliness. A great. Big. Hole.
It is a good reminder for me to stop and examine my own heart. In parenting and loving, doing what God has called me to, am I seeking to fulfill my desire for success, achievement, fulfillment, control, order, appreciation, approval, recognition through our children? From the outside, it might be difficult to tell, but God is faithful. He has a way of knocking down what we value most, apart from Himself. This one, unfortunately, is long in coming, sucking the life out of a person day after day, month by month, decade by decade.
There is also the danger of failing to recognize, know, love, or admire the man a Super Momma committed herself to so many years ago at the altar. The gift God provided in the form of a husband, life mate, brother in Christ, and image of His love. It was all about the children. Somehow, the fact that he gave and sacrificed for so long, in so many ways, doesn't matter. Her sacrifice. His sacrifice. It was all for the children. And where has it gone?
She tried to be Jesus--and failed. She thought if she did it right, if she gave it all, if, if, if...life would be beautiful and they would live happily ever after. Her children would be model citizens and active servants of God. They would love, admire, and appreciate her efforts and she would continue to be their compass and companion.
The problem is that it was based on her effort and sacrifice, not faith. It was up to her; it was her responsibility; there was no room for the grace of God, for children who disobey, fail, and exercise their own faith based on natural and parental consequences. There was fear of appearance, fear of failure, fear of the future, fear of children's salvation (or lack thereof)... so much fear. So little faith.
In and through it all, God can use even the failings of a Super-Momma to call His children to Himself. He can send a storm to shake the world of the Super-Momma who has jumped on a ship to Tarshish and left her husband in the dust. He can and will use it all. But He also gives us examples of warning--and for me, this was one.
See to it, brothers and sisters, that none of you has a sinful, unbelieving heart that turns away from the living God. But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called “Today,” so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness. We have come to share in Christ, if indeed we hold our original conviction firmly to the very end. As has just been said:
“Today, if you hear his voice,
do not harden your hearts
as you did in the rebellion.”
Who were they who heard and rebelled? Were they not all those Moses led out of Egypt? And with whom was he angry for forty years? Was it not with those who sinned, whose bodies perished in the wilderness? And to whom did God swear that they would never enter his rest if not to those who disobeyed? So we see that they were not able to enter, because of their unbelief. (Hebrews 3:12-19)
Therefore, since the promise of entering his rest still stands, let us be careful that none of you be found to have fallen short of it. For we also have had the good news proclaimed to us, just as they did; but the message they heard was of no value to them, because they did not share the faith of those who obeyed.
Therefore since it still remains for some to enter that rest, and since those who formerly had the good news proclaimed to them did not go in because of their disobedience, God again set a certain day, calling it “Today.” This he did when a long time later he spoke through David, as in the passage already quoted:
“Today, if you hear his voice,
do not harden your hearts.”
For if Joshua had given them rest, God would not have spoken later about another day. There remains, then, a Sabbath-rest for the people of God; for anyone who enters God’s rest also rests from their works, just as God did from his. Let us, therefore, make every effort to enter that rest, so that no one will perish by following their example of disobedience. (Hebrews 4:1-2, 6-11)
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