Frustration, Anger and Loss

I've been thinking a lot this morning about disappointment and grief. There is angst when our dreams wither and die or fall short of our desired outcome. It could be a lost opportunity, irreplaceable hours in a day, a struggling relationship or life detour.

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Sitting at picnic tables under a canopy in the soybean field last night, the woman across from me recounted the day's misadventures. "That's when you hate life as a farm wife," she finished. David, sitting next to her, shot me an eyebrow-raising look I interpreted as, "Do you hate your life?" He had many of the same difficulties: power outages, a burned out motor 60 feet above the ground, men sitting on their hands, a crop to harvest.

No, I don't hate being a farm wife on difficult days--because David sees life differently. It's not our harvest. It's God's harvest and, as we persevere, God will bring about what He deems best.

Loss, anger and frustration come on a sliding scale. The bigger the loss, the longer the grieving, the wrestling. In thinking about our harvest example, I realized that my greatest struggle in facing loss, frustration and anger is the rub between God's sovereignty and man's responsibility.

What about the times people make my life difficult?! The truth is hard: it doesn't matter. I have to remind myself that I'm not responsible for other people's choices. I'm responsible for my choices and my responses. I will reap what I sow--good, bad, no matter how insignificant, the consequences of my choices will grow with time. (Galatians 6:7-8)

The people piece of disappointment, anger and loss is that their choices are not my responsibility--even when I am affected greatly. That's because of the God piece. God has allowed, and wants to use, difficult people in my life. In the end, trusting Him and holding things loosely brings a great deal of peace. And this is what it means to hold things loosely, (again, the words are hard to write...and hear): it's. not. mine.

The things I struggle so hard to keep, to change, to fix, to get rid of? They don't belong to me. Each person, hour, opportunity, responsibility--they're all on loan. When the struggle comes--and it does--this truth drastically affects my thinking and response. It looks like this:

My marriage. is. not. mine. It's God's--and it's been given as a gift, an opportunity for me to serve someone else, to see my own selfishness, and depend on the Lord for change.

My time. is. not, mine. It's God's; given as a gift, an opportunity for me to serve someone else, to see my own sinful self, and depend on the Lord for change.

My children. are. not. mine. They are God's: given as a gift, an opportunity for me to serve someone else, to see my own sinful self, and depend on the Lord for change.

My ministry, is. not. mine. It is God's: given as a gift, an opportunity for me to serve someone else, to see my own sinful self, and depend on the Lord for change.

My family is. not. mine. It belongs to God; given as a gift, an opportunity for me to serve someone else, to see my own sinful self, and depend on the Lord for change.

My home. is. not. mine. It belongs to God; given as a gift, an opportunity for me to serve someone else, to see my own sinful self, and depend on the Lord for change.

My friends. are. not. mine. They belong to God; given as a gift, an opportunity for me to serve someone else, to see my own sinful self, and depend on the Lord for change.

My church, is. not. mine. It belongs to God; given as a gift, an opportunity for me to serve someone else, to see my own sinful self, and depend on the Lord for change.

My gifts and abilities. are. not. mine. They belong to God; given as a gift, an opportunity for me to serve someone else, to see my own sinful self, and depend on the Lord for change.

My networking contacts. are. not. mine. They belong to God; given as a gift, an opportunity for me to serve someone else, to see my own sinful self, and depend on the Lord for change.

And the list goes on... The words are easier to write than to think. They're easier to think than to apply. The answer is simple but impossible. It's only as I remind myself daily of God's love for me through Jesus' death and resurrection that I am reminded He will not withhold good. He gave me the best. His best. And He doesn't stop there. (Romans 8:32)

[Some losses have little or nothing to do with others. I am thinking of friends grieving the loss of a child, spouse or parent. There are no words for your pain. Only God knows its depth and despair. Some losses are common. Yours is gut-wrenching. If these words bring comfort, thank God. But please don't read them as a commentary on "how to make it go away." There is time and room for pain, grief and healing. But for most of us, the unhealthy mulling-it-over seething needs to be confessed as sin and repentance needs to begin.]

How well do you know the Master? If we know Him and have tried his goodness, generosity, grace and love, we will work hard. We will risk it all because we trust Him and have every confidence He will reward us according to His character. But if God is hard, stingy, critical and unkind, we will rat away our resources, protecting and hoarding them. We will be stingy, critical and unkind. 

When we blame others or take on too much responsibility, we become bitter, angry, resentful. When we fail to acknowledge God's rightful ownership and goodness we become cynical, arrogant, or fall into despair.

Do you trust Him? It makes all the difference in the world.

“Then the kingdom of heaven... will be like a man going on a journey, who called his servants and entrusted to them his property. To one he gave five talents, to another two, to another one, to each according to his ability. Then he went away. He who had received the five talents went at once and traded with them, and he made five talents more.  So also he who had the two talents made two talents more. But he who had received the one talent went and dug in the ground and hid his master's money.  Now after a long time the master of those servants came and settled accounts with them.  And he who had received the five talents came forward, bringing five talents more, saying, ‘Master, you delivered to me five talents; here, I have made five talents more.’ His master said to him, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your master.’ And he also who had the two talents came forward, saying, ‘Master, you delivered to me two talents; here, I have made two talents more.’  His master said to him, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your master.’ He also who had received the one talent came forward, saying, ‘Master, I knew you to be a hard man, reaping where you did not sow, and gathering where you scattered no seed, so I was afraid, and I went and hid your talent in the ground. Here, you have what is yours.’ But his master answered him, ‘You wicked and slothful servant! You knew that I reap where I have not sown and gather where I scattered no seed? Then you ought to have invested my money with the bankers, and at my coming I should have received what was my own with interest. So take the talent from him and give it to him who has the ten talents. For to everyone who has will more be given, and he will have an abundance. But from the one who has not, even what he has will be taken away. And cast the worthless servant into the outer darkness. In that place there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.’

"When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, then he will sit on his glorious throne. Before him will be gathered all the nations, and he will separate people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. And he will place the sheep on his right, but the goats on the left. Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me.’  Then the righteous will answer him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink? And when did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you? And when did we see you sick or in prison and visit you?’ And the King will answer them, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.’

“Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. For I was hungry and you gave me no food, I was thirsty and you gave me no drink, I was a stranger and you did not welcome me, naked and you did not clothe me, sick and in prison and you did not visit me.’ Then they also will answer, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or sick or in prison, and did not minister to you?’ Then he will answer them, saying, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to me.’ And these will go away into eternal punishment, but the righteous into eternal life.” (Matthew 25: 1, 14-46 ESV)