Overcoming Sin: A Practical Guide

I was starting to notice a lack of self-discipline in a number of areas of my life. Maybe you're familiar with the I-don't-like-myself-when-I-do-that feelings. Pair that with sideways glances from others and, if you're like me, you know it's time to take action. God's Spirit and Word have brought conviction, others have affirmed it, and it's up to me to cooperate with God's process of change.

Sin can be addressed with many different passages of Scripture but the process is the same: stop practicing sinful behavior, renew the mind, and start practicing God-pleasing behavior (Ephesians 4:22-24, Colossians 3:8-10, Romans 12:1-2).

With that in mind, I pulled out a step-by-step guide from 2 Peter and reminded myself of these truths:

His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature, having escaped the corruption in the world caused by evil desires. (2 Peter 1:3-4 NIV)

I can enjoy and live a vibrant spiritual life, the life of God Himself, by knowing, clinging to and applying my knowledge of God. How?

For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. (2 Peter 1:5-8 NIV)

Faith, (Greek pistis: conviction of truth, belief). It all begins with faith. The book of Hebrews says that without faith it is impossible to please God (Hebrews 11:6). That same verse says faith believes 1) God is who He says He is and 2) He will do what He says He will do. What does God say about my current thoughts, attitudes and behavior? Do they reflect faith or unbelief? Do I honestly believe God will allow me to suffer the consequences? I'd better believe it.

Goodness (NIV), virtue (NKJV), moral excellence (NASB), (Greek arête: a virtuous course of thought, feeling and action”). Once I examine my faith and understand what God says about my sin, am I willing to obey? Do I agree that God’s idea is a more excellent idea than mine? That my disobedience is wrong? Do I want to do good? When I don’t want to change, I am learning to ask God for help. He wants what is best, which is why He's convicting me. I need to ask Him to help me repent—to turn away from what I want and toward what He wants.

Knowledge (Greek gnosis: understanding, moral wisdom). Once I'm convicted of my sinful behavior and committed to God’s good purpose, I must figure out how to apply it. What needs to change? How? What practical steps can I take to reach my goal of change? Keep a more orderly house? How? Lose weight? How? Say no to addictive substances or relationship? How? What kind of tools are available?Whatever the struggle, no matter what the sin, this is where I need to come up with a nuts-and-bolts plan.

Self-control (Greek egkrateia: to master desires and passions). Now that I have a plan, I must do it, exercise it, work it out. Prayerfully, dependently, I am called to learn and apply what I know to my desire for change, believing God is who He says He is and will do what He says He will do.

Perseverance (Greek hupomone: steadfastness, constancy, endurance).  I can’t do it once and be done. I have to apply self-control over and over and over. This is yet another opportunity to cry out to God, trust, and obey.  When I fail (and I will), I must go back to the beginning and work my way through each step, looking for weakness. Did I get tripped up because of unbelief? A wrong motive? Weakness in the plan? Or failure to execute the plan?

Godliness (Greek eusebeia: reverence, piety toward God). As I gain ground and taste success, I must stop and check my motives. Who am I doing this for? Myself or God? And who is getting the credit for change? Myself or God? Am I growing in godliness or selfishness?

Mutual affection (NIV), brotherly kindness (NKJV, NASB) (Greek philadelphia: love of brothers or sisters). As I grown in godliness, I need to check my relationship with others. Am I preferring others ahead of myself? Or is my focus on personal growth and change? As God works to put off my sinful nature and put on Christlikeness, I should become more aware others, not less aware.

Love (Greek agape: affection, good will, benevolence). The goal of change is greater love for God and others evidenced in personal sacrifice and service. The sin struggle which once brought death, slavery, and an inability to glorify God will, in Christ, produce life, freedom, liberty, and glory always, only to our great and awesome God.

For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. But whoever does not have them is nearsighted and blind, forgetting that they have been cleansed from their past sins.

Therefore, my brothers and sisters, make every effort to confirm your calling and election. For if you do these things, you will never stumble, and you will receive a rich welcome into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. (2 Peter 1:4-11 NIV)

"I Want More"

It's been a while since I've shared notes from my personal Bible reading. This is what God used in my life today. Perhaps it will encourage and strengthen you as it did me. If my chicken-scratchings don't make sense, get out your Bible and read along. Ask God for help. He always reveals Himself as we seek him.

This passage is especially relevant for those of us in ministry.

Numbers 16-17 Korah's Rebellion, Aaron's Budding Rod

16:2 It wasn’t just Korah, there were 250 leaders, “men of renown,” who challenged Moses

16:3 These men said to Moses, “’You have gone far enough, for all the congregation are holy, every one of them, and the Lord is in their midst; so why do you exalt yourselves above the assembly of the Lord?’”  (How human!)

16:4 Moses didn’t get defensive or fight back. He fell on his face…. Humility. It was all about whom God chooses, not who chooses God (v. 5, 7).

v. 8-11 Moses: God chose you and is using you. Isn’t that enough? Why are you seeking what isn’t yours?

v. 12-15 Moses called out Abiram and Dathan but they stayed in their tents, refusing to confront Moses, complaining behind his back, agreeing with Korah.

v. 16-17 This was their opportunity to say, “No, I was wrong. Forgive me!” Instead, they brazenly acted as Aaron before the LORD.

v. 28 Moses, “…this is not my doing.” God was the one at work, not Moses.

v. 41 Apparently the people didn’t learn b/c they  grumbled against Moses for those who died—and God, in His wrath, sent a plague. At Moses’ command, Aaron stopped it with a censor and incense.

17 God confirmed Aaron with the sign of the budding rod to keep the people from grumbling and dying.

Application: When I don’t like God’s work or doing, I need to humble myself as Moses did—waiting on God to reveal Himself, trusting Him, obeying Him regardless of the outcome. This is not about me; it’s about God. I have GOT to get that in my head and heart! Every day, every moment. That was Moses’ life-view after the burning bush—this is not my parade, this is all about God doing what He will do, with whom He will do it and I have NO idea what that’s going to look like. Moses did not come up with the plan to set the Hebrews free. He did not take it upon himself to challenge Pharaoh. He did not choose to lead Israel, set up the priesthood, or deliver the Law. He did not pursue the lead position of a grumbling, obstinate people. God put him there. God chose Aaron for Aaron’s job; Miriam for Miriam’s job; Korah for Korah’s job. Discontent breeds disobedience.

emPHAsizing the Wrong syllABle

It's important to pronounce someone's name correctly. One of our Chinese friends asked us to call him, "Lee." My husband pressed him for his personal name (instead of his common family name). Finally he said that when Americans say his Chinese name, it is offensive because we rarely get the correct inflection. At the time we had no idea what he was talking about. Now we know enough to graciously call international friends by their chosen name.

Putting the emphasis on the right syllable makes a difference. Most American names emphasize the first syllable: Jordan, Caleb, Jessica, Anderson, Kreuger.... But many Spanish names emphasize the second syllable: Ramon, Sofia, Rodriguez, Dominguez....

https://www.timeanddate.com/holidays/un/world-day-cultural-diversity-dialogue

The same can be true of our relationship with God. When we put the em'phasis on the wrong syllab'le (as my mom used to say), it makes a difference. As a child, my impression of God and His expectations was all about doing the right thing. As a first-born people-pleaser, I know how to make that happen most of the time. Once I understand the expectations and parameters, let me at 'em. I will do my best to exceed the standard.

The problem with applying that to the Christian life is that it's all wrong. That was the point of the whole Old Testament--no matter how good, important, or earnest an individual or nation was, they couldn't "get it right." No one could keep God's law. No one meets the expectation. So why has that become a goal in our lives and churches? In my way of thinking, it's the right place to start, especially with children, but there has to be more.

Just as we get to know individuals and pronounce their names correctly, as we get to know God, we learn that His emphasis is on love, not doing, or performance. It takes a while for us to come to the end of our pride and efforts, throwing ourselves on His grace. It takes repeated failure before we humble ourselves and acknowledge our limitations, cry "uncle," and rest on Jesus' complete payment for all sin.

We cannot, we will not, love others without kickback. If there's nothing in it for me, I have no time or interest in someone else's needs (see Romans 3:10-12, John 15:4-5). Loving others at my expense is a supernatural, God-empowered response to His love for me. Until I am aware of, embracing, and basking in God's love for me, I will never love others. That is why love is the true test of Christ (John 13:35). If you wonder how you're doing, ask the people you live with. No love. No Jesus. Know love. Know Jesus. It's that simple--and that impossible.

To emphasize holiness and right living at the expense of love is to miss out on God Himself.

Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. He who does not love does not know God, for God is love. In this the love of God was manifested toward us, that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through Him. In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.


No one has seen God at any time. If we love one another, God abides in us, and His love has been perfected in us. By this we know that we abide in Him, and He in us, because He has given us of His Spirit. And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent the Son as Savior of the world. Whoever confesses that Jesus is the Son of God, God abides in him, and he in God. And we have known and believed the love that God has for us. God is love, and he who abides in love abides in God, and God in him. (1 John 4:7-16)

Owe no one anything except to love one another, for he who loves another has fulfilled the law. For the commandments, “You shall not commit adultery,” “You shall not murder,” “You shall not steal,” “You shall not bear false witness,” “You shall not covet,” and if there is any other commandment, are all summed up in this saying, namely, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” Love does no harm to a neighbor; therefore love is the fulfillment of the law. (Romans 13:8-10)

But when the Pharisees heard that He had silenced the Sadducees, they gathered together. Then one of them, a lawyer, asked Him a question, testing Him, and saying, “Teacher, which is the great commandment in the law?”

Jesus said to him, “‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets.” (Matthew 22:34-40)

On the Road Again

This may be a negative post--or a realistic one. I'm not sure.

As I lingered in the "fast" lane behind someone who couldn't get traction and move ahead of three semi-trucks on the interstate this week, I found myself chanting, "I think I can, I think I can, I think I can." It wasn't particularly productive. Getting frustrated wasn't helpful. All I could do was wait and pray.

And as I followed, 10 cars behind, I began to wonder if maybe the person in front was an optimist and I was a pessimist. The longer it continued, the more I realized it's an American problem called "delusions of grandeur," maybe greed, maybe pride. We all struggle with it to one degree or another--and it stands in stark opposition to Jesus Christ.

In the good old days, perseverance led to progress. The goal wasn't self-directed or self-realized; it was achievement for the everyone's benefit. The little blue engine was delivering good things to the boys and girls on the other side of the mountain. He wasn't in it to say he made it to the top; it was a service for others.

In a feel-good, self-esteem-led society, individuals have taken the mantle of "I can be whatever I want" or "I can do whatever I want," at the expense of others. And, guess what? We can't--not without consequences, regret, and destruction.

On the interstate, a car can only go so fast. Each driver has experiences, capabilities, fears, and inhibitions that affect his or her driving. Each driver's choices affect others and an inability to gauge reality puts others at risk. When a person puts him or herself at the center; his or her desires ahead of others, the result is chaos, confusion, and every form of evil (James 3:16)--i.e. school shootings, suicide, self-harm, murder, the opioid crisis, domestic violence, the list could go on.

Reality, to the contrary, recognizes limits, abilities, resources, and opportunities. We are who we are--physician, mechanic, teacher, musician, farmer, secretary--where we are, doing what we do. No one has more or less value. Jesus, (God), considered each of one of us ahead of Himself and that's a very different kind of reality--one that only God can accomplish.

To be like Christ is to value those around me at the cost of His life--and mine. The call is to be who I am for the glory of God; to serve those around me, loving them, for the glory of God; to live in a way that values and benefits others to the glory of God.

Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.

Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus, who, being in the form of God, did not consider it robbery to be equal with God, but made Himself of no reputation, taking the form of a bondservant, and coming in the likeness of men. And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself and became obedient to the point of death, even the death of the cross. Therefore God also has highly exalted Him and given Him the name which is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, of those in heaven, and of those on earth, and of those under the earth, and that every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.

Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling; for it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure.

Do all things without complaining and disputing... (Philippians 2:3-14 NKJV)

For the love of Christ compels us, because we judge thus: that if One died for all, then all died; and He died for all, that those who live should live no longer for themselves, but for Him who died for them and rose again.

Therefore, from now on, we regard no one according to the flesh. Even though we have known Christ according to the flesh, yet now we know Him thus no longer. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new. Now all things are of God, who has reconciled us to Himself through Jesus Christ, and has given us the ministry of reconciliation, that is, that God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself, not imputing their trespasses to them, and has committed to us the word of reconciliation.

Now then, we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God were pleading through us: we implore you on Christ’s behalf, be reconciled to God. For He made Him who knew no sin to be sin for us, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him. (2 Corinthians 5:14-21)

Because It's There!

While shoveling snow last week, God revealed my hear desire to "git er done" and "do it my way." Yesterday I lost my "to do" list and realized how dependent and driven I am to get things done and check them off the list--maybe you're one of those people, too.

I can evaluate, over-think, and question my motives: Why is it so important to get things done? Is my greater concern what others think of me or what God thinks of me? Where is my value? Am I living out my position in Christ, resting in His love, or am I trying to earn it? The sidelong glances of others make me wonder if I'm on the right track... so I camped there for a while and here is the result:

Those aren't bad questions to ask (or answer) every once in a while. As I've worked through my heart, thoughts and attitudes, interacted with Scripture and other Christians this week, I concluded that one of the benefits of knowing my "bent," the way I'm wired, my "way" or preference, is that I can harness and use my design for the glory of God, knowing that my choices and outcome will be different than anyone else's.

My desires (referenced in James 1:14-15; 4:1-5) are often neutral: comfort, relief, peace, happiness, acceptance, order, accomplishment. They are not bad--in fact, they're God-given, God-reflective desires. But when a desire takes precedence over God, when any one of them becomes my goal, my savior, my chief objective, that's when I think, speak, and act sinfully. Seeking peace at any cost will result in sin. Choosing relief at the expense of responsibility will result in sin. On the other hand, praying for peace or relief and trusting God in the face of difficult circumstances or relationships will lead me to pray, think, and act in a way that honors Him.

The beauty is that as I live, read His word, and pray, I learn more about who I am: what I value and how I respond to the world around me. As I learn more about who God created me to be, I have opportunities to activate the Word of God and the Spirit of God to do the work of God in a way that only I can. One friend, in a moment of loss and grief, shared the gospel around a hospital bed. Another friend is exhibiting God in the midst of a strained marriage relationship. God has uniquely designed and placed each of us according to His good will and purpose.

In learning to be me, the key is to live by the grace of God instead of comparing myself to others or allowing their expectations to shape and form my becoming. Struggles with sin, wrong motives, wanting to please others, speaking when I should listen, expressing enthusiasm inappropriately, etc., are uniquely mine--and God is faithfully presenting opportunity to confess my sin and change. Seeing and knowing my sin is one of God's tools of humility, and that's not bad; it's good. He is using even my sin to make me more like Christ: humble, dependent, aware of my limits. That, too, is His hand on my life, teaching me how to glorify and honor Him with my response to His unique design in and through my physical body, intellect, abilities, nature, and desires.

Each of us is responsible to God. Others can (and should) help us see ourselves clearly. We can (and should) pray for one another, encourage one another, confront, and lovingly rescue one another. But life is a process of learning who I am, what makes me tick, and how God has designed me to honor and glorify Him, reflecting, more and more, the image of His precious, one-of-a-kind Son, Jesus Christ.

But God, being rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in our transgressions, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved), and raised us up with Him, and seated us with Him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the ages to come He might show the surpassing riches of His grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them. (Ephesians 2:4-10)

Therefore, since Christ has suffered in the flesh, arm yourselves also with the same purpose, because he who has suffered in the flesh has ceased from sin, so as to live the rest of the time in the flesh no longer for the lusts of men, but for the will of God. For the time already past is sufficient for you to have carried out the desire of the Gentiles, having pursued a course of sensuality, lusts, drunkenness, carousing, drinking parties and abominable idolatries. In all this, they are surprised that you do not run with them into the same excesses of dissipation, and they malign you; but they will give account to Him who is ready to judge the living and the dead. For the gospel has for this purpose been preached even to those who are dead, that though they are judged in the flesh as men, they may live in the spirit according to the will of God.

The end of all things is near; therefore, be of sound judgment and sober spirit for the purpose of prayer. Above all, keep fervent in your love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins. Be hospitable to one another without complaint. As each one has received a special gift, employ it in serving one another as good stewards of the manifold grace of God. Whoever speaks, is to do so as one who is speaking the utterances of God; whoever serves is to do so as one who is serving by the strength which God supplies; so that in all things God may be glorified through Jesus Christ, to whom belongs the glory and dominion forever and ever. Amen. (1 Peter 4:1-11)

An Honest Look at Shoveling Snow

Towering snow fell last week and since my husband was out of town, I had the privilege of snow removal. If you haven't visited our farm, we have more than a person can do with a shovel--but plenty of that, too. As I bundled up for -3 temperatures I prayed, "Lord, give me wisdom. Help me do this well."

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Then the biblical counselor in me kicked in asking, "What do you mean by well? What kind of wisdom are you asking for?" Honestly, I wanted the least amount of inconvenience and the most efficiency. I wanted to get it over with so I could enjoy a quiet day at home without obligation. I didn't want to work hard, toil, sweat, and labor. I didn't want difficulty or roadblocks. I wanted to "get on with my life."

How true, how true. Even as I lay in bed last night a dreaded task came to mind followed by our pastor's voice saying, "God works all things together for good; all means all" and I realized I don't want "all" things to be working together--even if it's for good.

I think it would be nice to have a few difficult things, spaced out to my liking (or not at all), and mostly easy-peasy-lemon-squeezy things instead of, as my daughter says, "difficult-difficult-lemon-difficult" things. I don't want God to control all the things in my life (hear the rebellion?) and I don't want all of them to count. I want time off for good behavior. I want to have moments that God isn't using for my "good;" moments that are just mine, not His (And even in writing that, I'm feeling very, very small and convicted).

But God is God. He loves me. He knows me. He is much more concerned with best than comfort, with change than convenience, with Christ than my preferences. And what a good God He is. There were times Jesus wanted out of the program, too, but He submitted to His Father. He was perfected through suffering. He has become the Author and Perfecter of our salvation--and He will forever be counted worthy as the Lamb who was slain.

And when I consider Jesus, snow is not too big. Circumstances are not impossible. Relationships are not bad. They are all part of reflecting a loving, gracious, giving God to a needy, lost, dying world... And. I. Must. Keep. Going. Praise the Lord, He will make sure I do--according to His good will, purpose and plan.

They came to a place named Gethsemane; and He said to His disciples, “Sit here until I have prayed.” And He took with Him Peter and James and John, and began to be very distressed and troubled. And He said to them, “My soul is deeply grieved to the point of death; remain here and keep watch.” And He went a little beyond them, and fell to the ground and began to pray that if it were possible, the hour might pass Him by. And He was saying, “Abba! Father! All things are possible for You; remove this cup from Me; yet not what I will, but what You will.” (Mark 14:32-36)


Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

For consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

You have not yet resisted to the point of shedding blood in your striving against sin; and you have forgotten the exhortation which is addressed to you as sons,

“My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord,
Nor faint when you are reproved by Him;
For those whom the Lord loves He disciplines,
And He scourges every son whom He receives.”

It is for discipline that you endure; God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom his father does not discipline? But if you are without discipline, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. Furthermore, we had earthly fathers to discipline us, and we respected them; shall we not much rather be subject to the Father of spirits, and live?  For they disciplined us for a short time as seemed best to them, but He disciplines us for our good, so that we may share His holiness. All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness.

Therefore, strengthen the hands that are weak and the knees that are feeble, and make straight paths for your feet, so that the limb which is lame may not be put out of joint, but rather be healed. (Hebrews 12:1-13)

God, Grace, and Lemon Meringue Pie

I got up early Saturday morning, made coffee, set out pie crusts to thaw, moved a mountain of laundry, spent time in Bible reading and prayer then shaped the crusts and put them in the oven. A child headed out for the day--and as I listened to my book on tape and started the lemon filling, I was happy and thankful.

Then the filling boiled, the pie crusts were done, and the husband entered the kitchen. I couldn't turn off my headset, the crusts fell apart and the filling continued to bubble. In that moment--and the ones that followed--I realized how little control I had.

We know we need God for the big stuff: a job, which job?, school? life partner? church? move? But the truth is, we need His help when it comes to making lemon meringue pie, too. I know I do.

After baking new crusts I prayed the filling would set, the meringue would hold, and continued praying, step-by-step, holding my breath as I packed multiple items for that day's fundraiser. God's grace extends to every moment, every choice, every thing that falls into place, and every thing that goes awry. We weren't in the Garden when God placed Adam and Eve, but His daily presence and interaction--as well as Scripture that exhorts us to trust Him--remind us that He created us to be fully dependent. God does not expect us to do it on our own. The American ideal of independence, especially individual independence, is not biblical. We cannot do it on our own. We can't make anything turn out the way we intended--either by wishing or extreme effort. When it does, if it does, it is an act of God's grace and favor.

The more I cry out to Him, ask for His help, and acknowledge His grace, the more praise, glory and honor He receives. The more I ask, the more He reveals Himself and is seen for who He really is. This week, I'm praising Him for lemon meringue pies (among other common and special graces).

As for God, His way is blameless;
The word of the Lord is tried;
He is a shield to all who take refuge in Him.
For who is God, but the Lord?
And who is a rock, except our God,
The God who girds me with strength
And makes my way blameless?
He makes my feet like hinds’ feet,
And sets me upon my high places.
He trains my hands for battle,
So that my arms can bend a bow of bronze.
You have also given me the shield of Your salvation,
And Your right hand upholds me;
And Your gentleness makes me great.
You enlarge my steps under me,
And my feet have not slipped. (Ps. 18:30-36)

Parenting 101

Our family is blessed--extremely blessed. God has provided and we live a life of grace and gratitude, thanks to Him. There is a sense in which others want that same blessing; it is a wonderful gift, but there's no way to pass on or multiply the blessing to others except to turn them to God Himself, through Jesus.

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As our children grow (and have grown), one thing is certain: God uses them to change us. And, as struggling parents ask questions, share concerns, and look for answers, Jesus' simple but impossible charge stands central: Love the LORD your God with all your heart, mind, and strength and love your neighbor as yourself. Simple, because we understand the premise. Impossible, because apart from the saving work of Jesus Christ and dependence on His Spirit, Word, and people, we cannot begin to put it into practice.

If we, as parents, are trying to be successful we will lose the war. If we follow a contemporary path of certainty, another's example, a way of thinking, or our own reasoning, we will fail. If we try to impress our neighbors, community, coaches, pastor, church members, and extended family, we will stumble. (Let me add that neither my husband or I came onto the parenting scene feeling equipped or confident. As I've mentioned before, I still can't find the family videos of our early years of parenting that I hid because they gave our children the wrong idea and modeled push-over, permissive parenting on my part.)

If, on the other hand, we prayerfully commit, "I will walk within my house in the integrity of my heart" (Psalm 101:2), loving God first and foremost, we will please the only One who counts. God does not promise godly children. He has given principles to live by, but if we follow His example we must admit that even He does not have perfectly obedient, godly children! What He does guarantee is that He will make His children in Christ more and more like His precious Son, whatever it takes. The salvation and spiritual life of our children is not our responsibility. It is God's. We can provide a godly environment, influence, consequences and training, but we cannot work heart change. The children in our home are gifts--temporary residents--we are given to steward, train and prepare for life. It is a constant seeking after wisdom (Proverbs 1-5).

A speaker recently said, "We hold to the Proverb, 'Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it.' But if we, as parents, put more trust in our training than in the Lord, what kind of example are we setting?"

Second, we are charged to love our children as we love ourselves. They are not pawns, advertisements, posters, or mindless followers. My duty as a parent is not to mold them into my idea of success. The basis of my instruction is to love them more than myself in daily, practical exercises. In loving my husband and children, I am called to die to myself: my desires, my plans, my schedule, my goals. I do not martyr myself for the sake of my children. I make a deliberate choice to put God first and others (my husband, then children) next, trading my wants for their needs. I choose to lovingly serve them by doing what is in their best interest instead of what makes me look or feel good. What is best? What do they need most? How can I help? How can I cooperate with God to train this child so he is suited for the world? I know his bent--what does s/he need to learn how to navigate independence? How can I facilitate his/her natural growth?

Late in the teen years one of our children said, "Mom, sometimes I really didn't like you." "You know what, sweetie?" I answered, "I didn't like you either....But I always loved you."

Parents, we need to grow up. We need to look up. How is God using our children to make us more dependent on Him? To hack away at unseen idols, desires, and sinful habits? Do I love God first? Most? Or do I love what He can do for me more? Do I love His promises more than God Himself? And what about my children? Do they see me loving God or loving myself? Do they know I love them more than success, other's impressions, my reputation, their salvation or future choices? Do I truly love my children more than myself? We won't always get it right, but by God's grace, we will learn, love, change and grow--and He will bless as He sees fit, in trial and relief. It's all in His hands.

One more thing--if life doesn't turn out the way I think it should, if I don't experience "blessing" or tragedy strikes I have learned to ask myself, "Is God still good?" Someday I'll tell you the story about a man with a gun, a lawsuit, a traveling husband and a house full of sleeping children when I imagined the worst and that still voice asked, "Even if.... Is God still good?" And the answer, with tears, is always, "Yes. God is still good."

"Good and upright is the Lord;
Therefore He instructs sinners in the way.
He leads the humble in justice,
And He teaches the humble His way.
All the paths of the Lord are lovingkindness and truth
To those who keep His covenant and His testimonies.
For Your name’s sake, O Lord,
Pardon my iniquity, for it is great.." (Psalm 25:8-11)

One of them, a lawyer, asked Him a question, testing Him, “Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?” And He said to him, “‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the great and foremost commandment. The second is like it, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ On these two commandments depend the whole Law and the Prophets.” (Matthew 22:35-40)

Owe nothing to anyone except to love one another; for he who loves his neighbor has fulfilled the law. For this, “You shall not commit adultery, You shall not murder, You shall not steal, You shall not covet,” and if there is any other commandment, it is summed up in this saying, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” Love does no wrong to a neighbor; therefore love is the fulfillment of the law. (Romans 13:8-10)

Replacing Self-Esteem with Grace

There is something in us, something in me, that wants to be different than everyone else. I want to be seen, noticed, and remembered because I'm ____________ (fill in the blank). This way of thinking, wanting to be wanted or known because of who I am, doesn't just affect my thinking and relationships with others. It leaches into my relationship with God. There is a tendency to believe that God chose me because __________ or because I bring something unique to the table, something no one else can or does. That's what self-esteem is: the idea that my unique-ness makes me different from everyone else. And while that's true, there's a greater sense of being the same that needs to be embraced.... Because God says so.

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To a world of  Baby Boomers, Gen X'ers, and Millenialists, God says:

You are no better than anyone else. "with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves" (Philippians 2:6). "Be of the same mind toward one another; do not be haughty in mind, but associate with the lowly. Do not be wise in your own estimation." (Romans 12:16)

Your personal struggles are no different than everyone else's. "No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man..." (1 Corinthians 10:13). "each one is tempted when he is carried away and enticed by his own lust." (James 1:14)

You have nothing I want or need. "For all of us have become like one who is unclean, And all our righteous deeds are like a filthy garment" (Isaiah 64:6). "...nor is [God] served by human hands, as though He needed anything, since He Himself gives to all people life and breath and all things" (Acts 17:25).

You are not in control. I am. " ...everything God does will remain forever; there is nothing to add to it and there is nothing to take from it, for God has so worked that men should fear Him. That which is has been already and that which will be has already been..." (Ecclesiastes 3:14-15)  God "works all things after the counsel of His will" (Ephesians 1:11).

And yet. Yet. He came. He gave. He embraces. He sustains, empowers, enables. Loves. God not only created us, He stooped down and brought us to Himself. Because we need Him desperately, He went to desperate lengths to buy us back from the slave market of sin. And then, knowing our weakness and frailty, He determined to dwell in us and assist us, His people, each and every moment of the rest of our lives.

Any relationship with sinners requires forgiveness. Reconciliation does not exist apart from forgiveness. Someone has to pay for another's sin against them. And God paid the debt for our sin against Him through Jesus. He took it all and we brought nothing. That. is. grace.

We didn't deserve it. We can't earn it. It's not ours to begin with. It's all an act of God's--His free will, His desire, His love manifested on us. And when that's true, when I begin to see the depth of His grace and am cut free from my desire to take hold of it in and of myself, there is freedom--freedom to love, freedom to obey--and gratitude--gratitude without strings, gratitude that washes over my thoughts, attitudes and actions. It's not up to me.

This truth borders on blasphemy. It's beyond my comprehension. It's not about me. It's all about grace. This is God.

As it is written:

“There is none righteous, no, not one;
There is none who understands;
There is none who seeks after God.
They have all turned aside;
They have together become unprofitable;
There is none who does good, no, not one.”

“Their throat is an open tomb;
With their tongues they have practiced deceit”; 

“The poison of asps is under their lips”; 

“Whose mouth is full of cursing and bitterness.”

“Their feet are swift to shed blood;
Destruction and misery are in their ways;
And the way of peace they have not known.”

“There is no fear of God before their eyes.”

Now we know that whatever the law says, it says to those who are under the law, that every mouth may be stopped, and all the world may become guilty before God. Therefore by the deeds of the law no flesh will be justified in His sight, for by the law is the knowledge of sin.

But now the righteousness of God apart from the law is revealed, being witnessed by the Law and the Prophets, even the righteousness of God, through faith in Jesus Christ, to all and on all who believe. For there is no difference; for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, being justified freely by His grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus, whom God set forth as a propitiation by His blood, through faith, to demonstrate His righteousness, because in His forbearance God had passed over the sins that were previously committed, to demonstrate at the present time His righteousness, that He might be just and the justifier of the one who has faith in Jesus.

Where is boasting then? It is excluded. By what law? Of works? No, but by the law of faith. Therefore we conclude that a man is justified by faith apart from the deeds of the law. (Romans 3:10-28 NKJV)

All the Good Stuff: 'cause "I NEED it!"

In our Christian way of thinking, if we do good things, God gives us good stuff. We can quote or refer to verses and passages that tell us God has good things for us; we can do all things through His strength; He will meet all our needs.

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The end of Leviticus is an example. God promises good things to those who obey His commandments. He promises penalties to those who disobey. But in real life, bad things happen to good people--and good things happen to bad people. So what's the catch?

As I read Leviticus 26:1-13 and the list of good things God promised, I realized how many of those blessings I take for granted: rain, harvest, no war in the land, fruitfulness, God's presence, acceptance, and freedom. It's not that God hasn't given me loads of blessings. The problem is that I want more. I tend toward ingratitude, greed, comfort, ease, convenience, and relief.

But what didn't God say? He didn't say they would never work another day in their lives, face temptation, frazzled spouses, naughty children, financial stress, or a trouble-free life.

He promised to meet my needs. All of them. The question is, what qualifies as a "need?" And who determines it?

Honestly, I think I need a lot of things: uninterrupted sleep, plentiful food, fun friends, good times. But God, in His wisdom and love, knows differently--and He's the One that decides. If I need patience and maturity, He will provide trials (because He loves me; see James 1:2-3). If I need humility, He will reveal my heart and humble me (see Deuteronomy 8:2). I may need to depend more on Him and less on myself. I may need to learn compassion, empathy--and yes, humility (again--keep that tape rolling because it's true, so true). In God's way of thinking, my circumstances do not determine my need, they are instruments God uses to meet my true, invisible, eternal, essential, previously unmet (probably undetermined) need.

Think kids. What do kids need? A parent's list is very different than a child's. And it depends on where that child is at the moment. If they're at Stuff-mart, children likely "need" different things than if they're confined to time out. Their needs change and vary as quickly as their environment. But good moms (and dads) know kids need proper nutrition, adequate rest, etc.--and they don't get dissuaded by miserable, whiny, unhappy children if it means meeting their needs.

Whatever it is, God has promised to provide for my need--all of it. As Pastor Tim Waldron says, "If God didn't meet it, I didn't need it." He has given me a guarantee: Jesus. If God sent His Son endure an earthly existence, submit to sin-cursed parents, authorities, a sin-cursed world, human body, and die an excruciating death without intervening--because that's what I need--what won't He give me? Who suffers and gives, endures and grieves for anyone, especially His enemies? But God did. And because He has given His best, at the greatest cost, I am confident He will provide exactly what I need when I need it...and more.

So what do I need today? At this point I'm asking instead of telling...

I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me....And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus. To our God and Father be glory forever and ever. Amen. (Philippians 4:11-13, 19-20).