The Weight of Suffering

"I am not a pastor, nor the wife of a pastor"--in that way I can relate to Amos, the prophet--but God has given me the opportunity and privilege of listening to and speaking into pain and suffering. So, so many women and children are hurting as a result of other's sin against them. Sin has ravaged minds, hearts, bodies, and souls. Sin that feels so out of control, overwhelming, engulfing, smothering.

And as I considered the few lives that have touched mine recently, I have grieved. We share a burden, a weight, but God carries it. And that is the comfort, the strength, the hope. God is there.

Jesus came to mind. Jesus, walking dusty roads, hearing the voices of the desperate, the needy, the hurting, the hungry; hands reaching, tears falling. Jesus saw. Jesus heard. And, no doubt, Jesus grieved. His world was distorted. His creatures were suffering. His purpose, veiled. His reach, limited. Day after day, year after year, person after person, He saw, He heard, He listened, He loved, He prayed. Being God in the flesh did not give him a bye on suffering. He was fully aware, sensing, knowing. But His knowledge was not limited to the immediate. Even as He left behind the lame man at the Beautiful Gate, the poor widow, the wasting leper, He knew...

Jesus knew His plan would not be thwarted. His people would be redeemed. His creation would be remade. His purpose would be revealed. His might, expressed. His sovereignty, acknowledged.

Suffering would be His instrument; death His servant. Men would rally against Him, beat, mock, and crucify Him. Yet He would die for their souls. Betrayal, isolation and shame would accompany Him. But, being God, they reflected His innocence and others' guilt.

God with us. Emmanuel. He has not left us as orphans but has provided, through faith in His death and resurrection, His Spirit, Word, and people. By His grace and gift, we will live out our God-given purpose of reflecting and glorifying Him,

For we do not preach ourselves but Christ Jesus as Lord, and ourselves as your bond-servants for Jesus’ sake. For God, who said, “Light shall shine out of darkness,” is the One who has shone in our hearts to give the Light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ.

But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, so that the surpassing greatness of the power will be of God and not from ourselves; we are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not despairing; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying about in the body the dying of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body...

Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day. For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison, while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal. (2 Corinthians 4:5-10, 16-18)

Influence vs. Dependence

There is great danger in creating, or fueling, dependence, but it's oh, so much part of who we are and what we do. Part of that is because others tend to blame-shift. "It's my mom's fault...my husband's fault... my environment, etc. etc." Just because it's what people do and I feel the weight of their choices not does make it so.

As a parent, I have a sense of responsibility for my children's choices, well-being, and future. As a teacher, I create a sense of dependence and take responsibility for student learning. This happens in so many different relationships and situations.

But the truth is that we are simply called to "influence" others, not become the source of their life, peace, happiness, hopes and dreams. That's God's job--and He is quite capable.

This week, as I have had opportunity to interact with others--children, women, teens, adults--I am reminded of Jesus' description of the Vine and branches. The branches are not self-sufficient, they are Vine sufficient. The life source does not originate in them, it simply flows through them to others. They are a conduit, nothing more.

So I have spent time evaluating my life as a structure for the gospel. What are my likes and dislikes? What resources are at my disposal? What are my spiritual gifts and natural abilities? All of those things define and describe ways in which the gospel of Jesus Christ flows into, through, and out of my life to others.

Taking the burden of providing and producing the fruit of God in others leads to great frustration, discouragement, despair, impatience, anger, and bitterness. That was never God's intention. The to-do's of the Bible are not independent of the have-done's by Christ. He has, therefore we can. If there is no sense of dependence on what Jesus has done through His death and resurrection, the conduit runs on empty and offers only itself. These are the shriveled, ineffective branches.

Instead, each and every part of the branch is intended to direct others back to God, through Christ. The fullness, life, joy, and peace is not due to the branch's effort, but the Life-source of the Vine. Others dependence should not rest on my influence, abilities, resources, or availability. I will fail. I will not hold up because that's not how I was designed. I am frail, broken, sinful, limited. My calling is to point others to the true Source of life, light, goodness, love, peace, joy, and comfort.


“I am the true vine, and My Father is the vinedresser. Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit, He takes away; and every branch that bears fruit, He prunes it so that it may bear more fruit. You are already clean because of the word which I have spoken to you. Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself unless it abides in the vine, so neither can you unless you abide in Me. I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing. If anyone does not abide in Me, he is thrown away as a branch and dries up; and they gather them, and cast them into the fire and they are burned. If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. My Father is glorified by this, that you bear much fruit, and so prove to be My disciples. Just as the Father has loved Me, I have also loved you; abide in My love. If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love; just as I have kept My Father’s commandments and abide in His love. These things I have spoken to you so that My joy may be in you, and that your joy may be made full." (John 15:1-11)

Between the Words

Life happens between the words. I receive a text, but the reality of what's happening, of where help is required, or how to pray is between the words.We know it. It's the way we live and communicate. But sometimes, especially when it comes to God's Word, we expect a magic-wand result.

There's the sense that if I read God's Word and pray, I will experience hakuna matata. Life will change and my troubles will disappear. But life happens. Between the words. Between the lines. There is nothing in Scripture that promotes ease, circumstantial relief, or escape. Not here. Not now.

I've been reading and studying the life of Samuel, Saul, David.... and a lot happens between the words: conflict, jealousy, anger, promises, failure, success. I can read and understand that they weren't perfect. Life wasn't perfect. And yet, there are times I think I should be able to hear a sermon or read a passage from the New Testament, and Voila! I will magically understand, obey, and experience God's blessing. My life will be instantly transformed!

The older I get, the more I see the disparity between what the Word of God says and how I think, act, and live. It used to seem so simple; so easy. "Be kind. Be tenderhearted. Forgive. Do to others as you would have them do to you." As children, it was cut and dry--and we had a lot of help, boundaries, consequences that prompted obedience.

Now, as an adult, the offenses seem greater, the weight of the past heavier, the grief deeper. Life. is. hard. Obedience is hard. I see what God's Word says, but I struggle to do exactly what it says. I justify disobedience; wiggle, squirm, and compare myself to others. Sometimes I try. And fail. There are days I want to give up.

But God has not changed. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever (Malachi 3:6; Hebrews 13:8). He is forgiving, kind, gentle, patient, generous. And if I belong to Him through faith in Jesus Christ alone, I have access to His forgiveness, His kindness, His gentleness, His patience, His generosity. I do not have to rely on my meager store of limited, distorted human resources (for, "there is none righteous, no, not one").

Through the Spirit of God, I am able to forgive as He forgives--between the words, between the lines of life--to extend kindness and grace, to offer freedom and acceptance--between the words and lines of life.

Because, "I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me." (Galatians 2:20). The life of faith does not happen instantaneously. It happens moment by moment, decision by decision, in hundreds of thousands of moments of conviction and surrender, hour by hour, day after day. The life of faith is comprised of time, effort, prayer and trust...between the words.

For you have not received a spirit of slavery leading to fear again, but you have received a spirit of adoption as sons by which we cry out, “Abba! Father!” The Spirit Himself testifies with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, heirs also, heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him so that we may also be glorified with Him.

For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us. For the anxious longing of the creation waits eagerly for the revealing of the sons of God. For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of Him who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself also will be set free from its slavery to corruption into the freedom of the glory of the children of God. For we know that the whole creation groans and suffers the pains of childbirth together until now. And not only this, but also we ourselves, having the first fruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, waiting eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our body. For in hope we have been saved, but hope that is seen is not hope; for who hopes for what he already sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, with perseverance we wait eagerly for it. (Romans 8:15-25)