PS--I have been coming back to and adding to this entry because it's so basic (and I missed some important thoughts the first time around). If you think you've already read it, there's more here.
As a child, I was afraid of everything. I was terrified of swimming lessons: moisture muted windows let in eerie light, the air was choked with chemicals, no one wore proper clothing, noise clattered and echoed. It was not a natural environment. In addition, my life was entrusted to a person too young to drive (or so it seemed). Other children jumped in the water willingly. I couldn't breathe, let alone relax or trust that this was a good idea--to submerge myself in chemically-imbalanced water? Let it cover my head? Plug my ears, fill my nose, burn my throat? And they wanted me to "show them what I could do?" Really? I didn't know what that meant. It was too loud to ask...or understand the answer.
I was afraid of being alone, of carrying the train in a wedding, gathering eggs from chickens, walking through a barn, visiting extended family. Based on observation, I am not the only child who lived with fear. Adults do, too. Maybe you can relate.
My parents faithfully enrolled me in baseball, piano lessons, and I volunteered for track (which was a disaster). They wanted me to succeed and gain wings. Little by little, I ventured out. But courage is not found in adventure. Courage is formed in the kiln of adversity, loneliness and pain. The answer was in realizing my limitations and submitting them to Jesus Christ. If you've never been there, you may not understand. Let me explain.
I was 9 years old when I realized I was not good enough to meet Jesus. It was the night before Easter and, as I thought of the yellow pleated dress in the closet, I knew it wasn't what Jesus was looking for. I could be clean on the outside, but He knew my heart--and it wasn't clean enough. In that time of reflection I asked God to forgive my sin and make me clean inside. Because of Jesus, I knew He would. And He did. For three years I sat on that decision, tried and tested it. Then, at the age of 12 I was baptized to show my desire to follow Christ. From that moment on I was still afraid of chickens and unknown children, but I wasn't afraid to tell others about Jesus.
Wouldn't you know, teenagers don't invite Jesus to keggers. It's not that my classmates weren't friendly; it just wasn't a good mix (of course there were other factors to consider, like popularity and beauty). As an adult I see the hand of God and the heartbreak I escaped, but those were lonely times. I kept journals and spent much time alone with God pouring out my heart with a rawness and trust that became precious and comfortable.
A year of college was the real courage-maker: away from home for the first time, I knew no one. That year I spoke to worried, tearful parents, counselors, deans, RA's and young women caught in the clutches of other's sin. And as I carried a full load of classes and planned our wedding, the Lord restructured my priorities. Grades lost their luster. Sleep lost its attraction. Food brought no comfort. The things that once brought fear and anxiety faded with the reality of life. Sin. Brokenness. Despair. Burdens.
In and through it all, God kept showing Himself faithful. He provided a counselors, parents, and friends. Through prayer and constant time in His Word, I was fed enough to feed others. The loaves and fishes of my daily quiet time, Bible study, and chapel were broken off in pieces and fed, not only to my own soul, but to others as well. I found that Jesus is enough. He is there. He sees. He knows. He cares. And He sends help.There was nothing I could give or do to "fix" my friends' lives, help their parents, or family. But God could. In living out the truth of the vine and branches--being an extension of Christ as He ministered to and through me--became the foundation of courage. Courage is not about me or my experiences. Courage is based on the unending love, power, and grace of God through our Lord Jesus who never changes.
The object of faith is Jesus. The result of faith is not just courage, but hope. Freedom. Joy. Peace. God does not take us through difficulty simply to teach and try us (although that happens). He wants something better--something we would not gain any other way than when we come to the end of our own resources. He wants our obedience and trust because with them come fulfillment, satisfaction, and joy. That's what He wants us to experience--Himself.
To realize that life is more than what I eat and wear, who I hang out with or how I am regarded, is to see God more clearly. His provision exceeds my need and it always will. Faith is stepping onward and upward based on who God is, believing He will provide. Courage is nothing more than faith in action. May you and I continue to walk in courage and faith, doing the impossible by His grace and in His loving care.
Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. This is what the ancients were commended for.
By faith we understand that the universe was formed at God’s command, so that what is seen was not made out of what was visible.
By faith Abel brought God a better offering than Cain did. By faith he was commended as righteous, when God spoke well of his offerings. And by faith Abel still speaks, even though he is dead.
By faith Enoch was taken from this life, so that he did not experience death: “He could not be found, because God had taken him away.” For before he was taken, he was commended as one who pleased God. And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.
By faith Noah, when warned about things not yet seen, in holy fear built an ark to save his family. By his faith he condemned the world and became heir of the righteousness that is in keeping with faith.
By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going. By faith he made his home in the promised land like a stranger in a foreign country; he lived in tents, as did Isaac and Jacob, who were heirs with him of the same promise. For he was looking forward to the city with foundations, whose architect and builder is God. And by faith even Sarah, who was past childbearing age, was enabled to bear children because she considered him faithful who had made the promise. And so from this one man, and he as good as dead, came descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky and as countless as the sand on the seashore.
All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance, admitting that they were foreigners and strangers on earth. People who say such things show that they are looking for a country of their own. If they had been thinking of the country they had left, they would have had opportunity to return. Instead, they were longing for a better country—a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them.
By faith Abraham, when God tested him, offered Isaac as a sacrifice. He who had embraced the promises was about to sacrifice his one and only son, even though God had said to him, “It is through Isaac that your offspring will be reckoned.” Abraham reasoned that God could even raise the dead, and so in a manner of speaking he did receive Isaac back from death.
By faith Isaac blessed Jacob and Esau in regard to their future.
By faith Jacob, when he was dying, blessed each of Joseph’s sons, and worshiped as he leaned on the top of his staff.
By faith Joseph, when his end was near, spoke about the exodus of the Israelites from Egypt and gave instructions concerning the burial of his bones.
By faith Moses’ parents hid him for three months after he was born, because they saw he was no ordinary child, and they were not afraid of the king’s edict.
By faith Moses, when he had grown up, refused to be known as the son of Pharaoh’s daughter. He chose to be mistreated along with the people of God rather than to enjoy the fleeting pleasures of sin. He regarded disgrace for the sake of Christ as of greater value than the treasures of Egypt, because he was looking ahead to his reward. By faith he left Egypt, not fearing the king’s anger; he persevered because he saw him who is invisible. By faith he kept the Passover and the application of blood, so that the destroyer of the firstborn would not touch the firstborn of Israel.
By faith the people passed through the Red Sea as on dry land; but when the Egyptians tried to do so, they were drowned.
By faith the walls of Jericho fell, after the army had marched around them for seven days.
By faith the prostitute Rahab, because she welcomed the spies, was not killed with those who were disobedient.
And what more shall I say? I do not have time to tell about Gideon, Barak, Samson and Jephthah, about David and Samuel and the prophets, who through faith conquered kingdoms, administered justice, and gained what was promised; who shut the mouths of lions, quenched the fury of the flames, and escaped the edge of the sword; whose weakness was turned to strength; and who became powerful in battle and routed foreign armies. Women received back their dead, raised to life again. There were others who were tortured, refusing to be released so that they might gain an even better resurrection. Some faced jeers and flogging, and even chains and imprisonment. They were put to death by stoning; they were sawed in two; they were killed by the sword. They went about in sheepskins and goatskins, destitute, persecuted and mistreated—the world was not worthy of them. They wandered in deserts and mountains, living in caves and in holes in the ground.
These were all commended for their faith, yet none of them received what had been promised, since God had planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect.
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. (Hebrews 11-12:3)
