Stopped in My Tracks

This blog serves two purposes--one greater than the other. It allows me to share God's work in my heart and life. More than that, I pray it encourages you. Although our circumstances, personality and geography are different, based on 1 Corinthians 10:13, I believe we share similar struggles and victories.

Today I am tired of being me. Knowing my personal struggles, I have been asking God to help me grow in identifying and addressing it. That itself was my prayer: Lord, please humble me and make me aware of my sin, teach me how to confess to others, and give me the willingness to walk in repentance. There was no glaring, hidden sin, no specific hole, but because I'm still in this process called, "life," sin is part of every day. He has answered my prayer. And I don't want to be me anymore.

Jerry Bridge's book, Transforming Grace, has been a textbook guide through Scripture. My conscience was pricked in numerous ways as I studied Marriage and Family Counseling this last semester. And, now, after attending Family Camp under sound biblical teaching, I have been brought to my knees. These last months accountability partners have walked with me in whether I'm addressing sin or pride and whether or not I've followed through, our local church has ministered regularly, and God has faithfully provided opportunities to practice.

And as I contemplated where to go from here, tired of being me, I wondered if doing nothing at all would be best. If I stopped doing I would be more aware of Jesus' finished work instead of my efforts. If I stopped serving I could avoid comments that feed sinful pride. If I stopped altogether....

But giving would still be self-dependent. It would be my idea instead of God's. It wouldn't require His enabling and empowering to endure. But. it. might. be. easier.

Instead, He calls me to receive His forgiveness and cleansing by faith (1 John 1:9). He chooses to restore and use me with a greater awareness of my failure and sin than before (like Peter after his betrayal in John 21:15-19). We all have faults--hidden and overt--and that's the glory of God. We can't do, won't do, life for His glory apart from Christ. And that's exactly the way it should be.

Be gracious to me, O God, according to Your lovingkindness;
According to the greatness of Your compassion blot out my transgressions.
² Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity
And cleanse me from my sin.
³ For I know my transgressions,
And my sin is ever before me.
⁴ Against You, You only, I have sinned
And done what is evil in Your sight,
So that You are justified when You speak
And blameless when You judge.

⁵ Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity,
And in sin my mother conceived me.
⁶ Behold, You desire truth in the innermost being,
And in the hidden part You will make me know wisdom.
⁷ Purify me with hyssop, and I shall be clean;
Wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.
⁸ Make me to hear joy and gladness,
Let the bones which You have broken rejoice.
⁹ Hide Your face from my sins
And blot out all my iniquities.

 

¹⁰ Create in me a clean heart, O God,
And renew a steadfast spirit within me.
¹¹ Do not cast me away from Your presence
And do not take Your Holy Spirit from me.
¹² Restore to me the joy of Your salvation
And sustain me with a willing spirit.
¹³ Then I will teach transgressors Your ways,
And sinners will be converted to You.

 

¹⁴ Deliver me from bloodguiltiness, O God, the God of my salvation;
Then my tongue will joyfully sing of Your righteousness.
¹⁵ O Lord, open my lips,
That my mouth may declare Your praise.
¹⁶ For You do not delight in sacrifice, otherwise I would give it;
You are not pleased with burnt offering.
¹⁷ The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;
A broken and a contrite heart, O God, You will not despise.

 

¹⁸ By Your favor do good to Zion;
Build the walls of Jerusalem.
¹⁹ Then You will delight in righteous sacrifices,
In burnt offering and whole burnt offering;
Then young bulls will be offered on Your altar. Psalm 51 NASB

Monday Mornings

It was Monday morning after a weekend of activity and company--26 of us, give or take--and the alarm went off at 5:00 a.m. I was not happy.

Stumbling downstairs to make coffee, I turned over the verse flipchart above the sink, "Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever." (Ps. 23:6).

Initially, I scoffed. "Yeah, right, like this is what goodness and love looks like. It's early and I'm tired." Then (fortunately) the Holy Spirit kicked in. "It doesn't say, 'might' follow me all the days of my life, it says 'surely' will."

"And it says, 'goodness and love' will follow me all the days of my life.' This is a day in my life, so goodness and love are following me whether I feel it or not." I began to count God's goodness and love to me in that moment, on that Monday morning, and I actually stopped before running out of ideas. It's true, God's goodness and mercy are following me all the days of my life.

Hope isn't a flowery thing. Hope is bedrock solid. Hope is built on truth. Hope is steadfast and sure. God's goodness and love today give me hope that the rest of the verse is true as well, "and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever." If I run out of ways He has shown me goodness and love, I can certainly start thinking about dwelling with Him in His house forever. Each of those words, "dwelling," "His house," and "forever," could fill a heart with hope, gratitude, peace, joy, and praise.

https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/8/8f/PikiWiki_Israel_35745_Sheep_grazing.JPG

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.
²     He makes me lie down in green pastures.
He leads me beside still waters.
³     He restores my soul.
He leads me in paths of righteousness
    for his name's sake.

⁴ Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
    I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
    your rod and your staff,
    they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me
    in the presence of my enemies;
you anoint my head with oil;
    my cup overflows.
⁶ Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
    all the days of my life,
and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord
    forever. (Psalm 23 ESV)
 

My Heart's Desire

If there's one thing we must learn and take hold of to live godly lives, it's that the heart must not be allowed to run rogue. A heart out of control is a life out of control. A mind out of control is a life out of control.

To think of it in a worldly way, we are told to "follow your heart." We learn that we can't control our thoughts. That if a hurtful situation or conversation comes to mind it's because there's a "reason."

The writer of Proverbs says, "Listen, my son, and be wise, And direct your heart in the way." (Prov. 23:19). The heart can be directed. Must be directed and taught.

How? "Trust in the Lord with all your heart And do not lean on your own understanding." (Prov. 3:5-6).

We trust God when we know His way and obey it. Doing is evidence of trusting. So what does that have to do with directing the heart?

Psalm 37 puts trust and desires together this way: "Trust in the Lord and do good; Dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness. Delight yourself in the Lord; And He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord, Trust also in Him, and He will do it."

Spending time with God in His Word, giving it thought, asking questions, engaging God's Word then putting it into action and trying Him--trusting Him--will result in wanting more. I cannot know God's character and likeness until I try it, taste it, use it, bank on it, fully lean on who He is and what's He's said.

At Jr. High camp last week it was presented this way: If I gave you an extra $20.00 in spending money, how would I know you believe me?

The answer, of course, is that they would spend it! As I made the offer to a young lady the wheels were turning in her head about what was in the coffee shop, gift shop, what activities or crafts she wanted to do--she was thinking about how to spend $20. After accepting the money, I would know she took me at my word because she would spend it. She would act on it and put it to use.

The same is true with God. It begins with thinking about how to spend Him, use Him, apply HIs truth, and take Him at His Word. The thinking leads to action and the results fuel our desires to know Him more, trust Him more, see Him more, love Him more, and find Him faithful. 

As for those other thoughts and desires? They diminish and lose power in light of God's goodness. Their deceitfulness is revealed in the truth of God's Word. We suddenly see the hidden costs, the loss, death, and grief of temporary pleasures. And we are satisfied because we have what our hearts truly desire, the pearl of great cost, the treasure of treasures, a right, dependent relationship with our Lord God through His Son, Jesus Christ. And we have found the desire of our hearts.




Trust in the Lord and do good;
Dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness.
⁴ Delight yourself in the Lord;
And He will give you the desires of your heart.
⁵ Commit your way to the Lord,
Trust also in Him, and He will do it.
⁶ He will bring forth your righteousness as the light
And your judgment as the noonday.

⁷ Rest in the Lord and wait patiently for Him; (Ps. 37:3-7)

 

Thus says the Lord, “Let not a wise man boast of his wisdom, and let not the mighty man boast of his might, let not a rich man boast of his riches; ²⁴ but let him who boasts boast of this, that he understands and knows Me, that I am the Lord who exercises lovingkindness, justice and righteousness on earth; for I delight in these things,” declares the Lord. (Jeremiah 9:23-24)