When It's Okay not to be Okay--and When It's Not

Guess what? It's okay. It's okay to fail. It's okay to see your failure. It's okay to be imperfect and make mistakes and do things wrong because...because that's our nature. It's who we are. Imperfection is part of our existence.

What's not okay is to stay okay with not being okay. I made a crusty, sarcastic remark to my husband. That's not okay. And while it's okay not to be okay, what's wrong is to continue not being okay and act as if I did noting wrong, hurtful or unkind.

Why? Pride would puff itself up and tell me it's "his problem," "he deserved it," "it was just a little comment, I didn't really mean it, " etc. etc. But those offenses grow. They create rifts and chasms between me and others--between me and God. Living life in and out of the wrong lane with no correction leads to living there habitually. Ignoring failure in my life results in broken lives, in destruction, loss of property, relationships, dreams, and potential. It's the type of life every man, woman and child lives apart from acceptance of Jesus' death and resurrection for personal sin.

When we belong to God, the indwelling  Holy Spirit works against our sinful tendencies. Guilt and remorse are gifts of mercy that draw us back to our Heavenly Father. We are convicted by His Word and called to obey; to confess our sin and repent. God woos us to His side offering forgiveness, the opportunity to learn and change. That's why it's not okay to remain not okay, striving against God's ultimate purpose and design for our lives.

The apostle Paul makes it clear that our lives, lived in the mercy and grace of Christ, is a witness to others and to unseen powers. God's will is that, for eternity, we will be living displays of His kindness. I am a trophy of His grace. You are a trophy of His grace. We are made to imitate Christ; to reflect His glory and image (Ephesians 5:1, 2 Corinthians 3:18, Romans 8:29)--and God will use all means necessary to achieve His purpose (Romans 8:28). Why? Because He loved you to the death and beyond--and that love is active, present, eternal. He wants what is best--and Jesus is the best. Is anything more amazing, supernatural, or extreme than reflecting the God-man, Jesus Christ? How pitiful for us to choose the mud works of our own little un-okay world.

If you've gotten stuck or you don't know how to get turned around, find a godly friend or pastor and ask for help. It's not too late. God provided His Body, His Word and His Spirit to help us--all of us. Read Psalm 51 prayerfully and follow King David's example. Here is a worksheet with Scripture that has been a helpful tool for getting back in step after failure: "Recovery Plan After Failure".

God knows we are made of dust. He knows our frailty and propensity for failure and He's given us direct instruction and help in His Word--over and over and over. It's okay not to be okay but it's not okay to stay not okay. Why? Because God loves you--and He loves His glory. And how amazing is it to think that He allows us to reflect Himself to others. When we get that, our hearts will swell with gratitude and humility. He uses us despite failure... No, more than that--He uses us with the full intention and design of His glory ruining around, in and through our failure. What a God!

Therefore did that which is good become a cause of death for me? May it never be! Rather it was sin, in order that it might be shown to be sin by effecting my death through that which is good, so that through the commandment sin would become utterly sinful.

For we know that the Law is spiritual, but I am of flesh, sold into bondage to sin.  For what I am doing, I do not understand; for I am not practicing what I would like to do, but I am doing the very thing I hate. But if I do the very thing I do not want to do, I agree with the Law, confessing that the Law is good. So now, no longer am I the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me. For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh; for the willing is present in me, but the doing of the good is not. For the good that I want, I do not do, but I practice the very evil that I do not want. But if I am doing the very thing I do not want, I am no longer the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me.

I find then the principle that evil is present in me, the one who wants to do good. For I joyfully concur with the law of God in the inner man, but I see a different law in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin which is in my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will set me free from the body of this death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, on the one hand I myself with my mind am serving the law of God, but on the other, with my flesh the law of sin.

Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and of death. For what the Law could not do, weak as it was through the flesh, God did: sending His own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and as an offering for sin, He condemned sin in the flesh, so that the requirement of the Law might be fulfilled in us, who do not walk according to the flesh but according to the Spirit. (Romans 7:13-8:4)

When it Doesn't Go My Way

So what does it look like to trust God instead of getting my grubby paws in the middle of _______ where they don't belong?

One of the first things I do is ask myself, "Is this my personal responsibility--is there something only I can do in this situation?" If the answer is yes, then I need to get busy and git 'er done (by God's grace and with His help). If the answer is no, I need to step back and pray about it. It's a concern, but it's not my job--it's someone else's (maybe even God's).

"But...," you say. "But..." Yes. I hear that "but."That's when you and I need to remember that God is. He is in control. He is working all things for the purpose of making His children more like Christ (Romans 8:28-29). Content that I am His child and He is both able and intentional, I rest. And wait. And watch.

The question isn't "What can I do to fix this?" The real question is, "Am I content? Do I trust Him?" You and I are never more Christlike than when we are being humbled by difficult circumstances and fix our hope on God. And, the truth of the matter is, most of our meddling is not the result of suffering for doing good, it's because we think we must or should or want a desired result. It's a choice. Will I demand my way and throw a spiritual tantrum, making demands and refusing to obey or will I quietly submit and trust God with the outcome?

When I do what God has called me to and trust Him to do what He has promised, my life is one of joy and peace, contentment, rest and goodness. It's just the way God is.

Lord, my heart is not haughty,

Nor my eyes lofty.

Neither do I concern myself with great matters,

Nor with things too profound for me.

Surely I have calmed and quieted my soul,

Like a weaned child with his mother;

Like a weaned child is my soul within me.

O Israel, hope in the Lord From this time forth and forever. (Psalm 131)

Doin What Comes Natur'lly

We're fixers aren't we? Men don't want to listen to problems unless they can fix them. Women not only talk about problems, they work out things that aren't broken...yet. It comes so naturally! And since we come by it so naturally, we might think that's what we were made to do--solve problems. Or is it?

The thing that strikes me every time I read Psalms is how little the psalmist actually does. He doesn't seem to fix anything! He writes about enemies. He writes about problems, bigger problems than I hope I'll ever have--the threat of death, loss of his kingdom, betrayal of his son, and sin of adultery. And I ask myself, if he had all these problems and they're bigger than mine, what's the right answer? How did he deal with them?

1) He told God--and he was brutally honest.
2) He reminded himself of who God is and what He does.
3) He responded to God, not the situation.

In other words, David, the psalmist, didn't try to fix the problem. He doesn't record ideas of how to get away this time or thoughts on if he said this then she would say that and they could do this.... From other books in the Bible, we know he made decisions. He used common sense and logic in light of God's Word, but first and foremost, he praised God. He sought the Lord. He trusted. He settled his mind on the goodness of God. He didn't manipulate circumstances or worry about people. He didn't fixate on a desired outcome. He took comfort. He rested. He waited. And the result?

He found peace. Hope. Contentment. Rest.

How often we need to stop our brains and talk to God--not ourselves or others. We need to share our frustrations, difficulties and sorrows. We need to recall who He is and how much He loves us. And we need to wait. If He can create the known universe, He can change my circumstances. If He moved from Heaven to Earth, lived, died and rose again, He can mend broken relationships and change hearts. I can't.

And that's the crux of the matter, isn't it? As long as I fret and worry, I feel a sense of importance, control and crucial involvement. What? Give it up? Never. Because. Because...it's mine. It's about me. If I stop, it may not turn out according to my design. Honestly, I'd like to think I can come up with a way to make it work. If I rest in the Lord instead of working my design, who gets the credit? Oh, yeah, God does. And if I wait on Him, it's not as much fun--what will I do with all the extra time and energy? (How many "I's" do you count in that paragraph? Very telling isn't it?) Oh, how easy it is to give in to self and fear forgetting we live by faith, faith in a loving God who is very, very capable.

Doin what comes natur'lly is just that--my natural bent, living as if God doesn't exist. Harsh, but true. When I do it supernaturally--wait, rest and praise--He works amazing things. Without my help. Imagine!  And in the midst of it all, He is enough. More than enough.

 Those who live according to the flesh have their minds set on what the flesh desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace. The mind governed by the flesh is hostile to God; it does not submit to God’s law, nor can it do so. Those who are in the realm of the flesh cannot please God.

 Therefore, brothers and sisters, we have an obligation—but it is not to the flesh, to live according to it. For if you live according to the flesh, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live.
For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God. The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.”
 What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?  As it is written:

 

“For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:5-8, 12-15, 31-39