I am blessed to be married to an un-procrastinator. This means his bags are packed the day before the actual trip. It means the afternoon chores may be done as early as 1:00pm. Sometimes it means we come home from vacation a day early. In December it meant that he has already calculated taxes--and this year , we bought a semi-truck and grain trailer as a result. The truck and trailer are part of a long-term goal to farm full-time, but it also opened a new venue for spending time together.
As a couple, we have found that one of our greatest challenges is spending time together. Both of us are goal-oriented and our lives are complicated by his business travel schedule. When he gets home, his list of to-do's is extensive. When he gets home, I am used to arranging my own space and time to accomplish what needs to be done.
We went for a drive together in the semi the other day and I learned something. As a mom/wife, I have a list of need-to's--laundry, household cleaning, phone calls, doctor appointments, children's needs, etc.--and a list of want-to's--concerts, conferences, movies, trips, visits, etc. The need-to list is continuous and cyclical. The want-to list is dusty and dingy. Most of the time, spending time with my husband is on the want-to list. The problem is that there are so many need-to's I seldom get to the want-to's. The want-to's I take time for are short bits when I check email, read a magazine or newspaper article, or log onto facebook for a quick pick-me-up before accomplishing the next need-to item.
To create a 3-hour want-to in the middle of the day feels irresponsible, wrong, lazy--and sets me up for falling behind in the need-to division. But what I have realized is that my husband needs that time from me--and I am the one who can make it a reality. To create that space in my mind, I must move him from my want-to list to my need-to list. He is not just another part of me that I can put on a list for "someday." He is not one of those far-off wishes that will wait for 20 years until our children are grown. He is not a luxury that I can afford to go without. He is my husband, my counterpart, my best friend, my life-partner and that puts him at the top of the list!
So for now I pray that God will allow me grace to meet a need-to that I really want to and I pray that I will trust Him to take care of the need-to's that await! On the road again....just can't wait to get on the road again....
As a couple, we have found that one of our greatest challenges is spending time together. Both of us are goal-oriented and our lives are complicated by his business travel schedule. When he gets home, his list of to-do's is extensive. When he gets home, I am used to arranging my own space and time to accomplish what needs to be done.
We went for a drive together in the semi the other day and I learned something. As a mom/wife, I have a list of need-to's--laundry, household cleaning, phone calls, doctor appointments, children's needs, etc.--and a list of want-to's--concerts, conferences, movies, trips, visits, etc. The need-to list is continuous and cyclical. The want-to list is dusty and dingy. Most of the time, spending time with my husband is on the want-to list. The problem is that there are so many need-to's I seldom get to the want-to's. The want-to's I take time for are short bits when I check email, read a magazine or newspaper article, or log onto facebook for a quick pick-me-up before accomplishing the next need-to item.
To create a 3-hour want-to in the middle of the day feels irresponsible, wrong, lazy--and sets me up for falling behind in the need-to division. But what I have realized is that my husband needs that time from me--and I am the one who can make it a reality. To create that space in my mind, I must move him from my want-to list to my need-to list. He is not just another part of me that I can put on a list for "someday." He is not one of those far-off wishes that will wait for 20 years until our children are grown. He is not a luxury that I can afford to go without. He is my husband, my counterpart, my best friend, my life-partner and that puts him at the top of the list!
So for now I pray that God will allow me grace to meet a need-to that I really want to and I pray that I will trust Him to take care of the need-to's that await! On the road again....just can't wait to get on the road again....
